Letters to Dave
by hemlockforensics
Summary: A campstuck AU where John writes letters to Dave to let his emotions out, without Dave ever reading it. Pepsicola is the major pairing, but Erisol, Gamnep, and Rosemary will also be pairings (And pairings may change throughout!). My second story, please read and review! Thanks! The first chapter isn't as good as the rest, so keep going!
1. Chapter 1

_June 14th, 2014_

_Hi Dave!_

_ Here we are again, I guess! I love how we annually write letters back and forth. Okay, maybe not "back and forth", but sometimes I like to think that you actually read these. Anyway, I'm back at summer camp! I mean, it's obviously not the same without you, but it's still pretty fun. I know, I know. I'm looking on that bright side again, but I guess it's honestly just out of bad habit. Karkat told me it's "extremely annoying", but in the end, if you don't have the bright side, what side do you honestly have?_

_ Anywho, I'm still on the bus and I'm typing this on my phone so Karkat can't see it. He fell asleep about an hour ago, and it got really boring not having anyone to talk to. I guess listening to show tunes on my phone (WHICH I CLEARLY DO NOT HAVE PFFFT.) got boring after a while. Not that you're second best! Dave, you couldn't be second best to anything._

_ SHITFUCK WHY DID I JUST TYPE THAT._

_ I guess it doesn't really matter though, you're never going to see this letter. Or, at least, I hope you won't. If you did, that would be insanely bad because I kind of keep these things like a diary. Okay, maybe not a diary. I'm not some stupid teenage girl who needs to sit around and talk about boys and hope one day she'll read the journal later. I don't plan on reading these later; if anything, I'm planning on burning them on my 18th birthday so you'll never see them. Honestly, I use these letters in order to sort out my feelings. If you can't talk to your best friend, who can you talk to, right? Okay, even if it's just the best friend inside your head._

_ This bus is insanely quiet, pretty much everyone is asleep; aside from Sollux who's playing on his iPhone per usual. He's sitting by Feferi, and she's fallen asleep on his shoulder. It's actually almost "AWWWW" worthy, but I don't want to wake anyone up. Also, Eridan has been staring daggers at Sollux for the past twenty minutes and I don't want to piss him off anymore than he already is. I can't decide whether it's from Feferi being asleep on Sollux or if Eridan just hates Sollux in general. The whole gang is here, pretty much. A lot of kids seem bummed out that you couldn't make it this year. Karkat wants to share a bunk with me, I hope that won't make you jealous or unhappy. Scratch that, actually, of course you wouldn't care! Karkat and I are good friends, but he could never replace you! You're obviously smart enough to know that._

_ Speaking of Karkat, he's starting to snore. I swear to God, he might be the most annoying sleeper I've ever fucking seen. I think he might be angry in his sleep because his brow's all furrowed and he keeps mumbling curse words while snuggling into my arm. It's kind of super cute, actually. I almost want to take a picture, but I'm so much smarter than that. At the same time, though...The pranking possibilities…. _

_ Sorry that picture took longer than expected. I promise that I'll send it to you after we get off the bus and I get some reception! Wait. You can't see this. Why would you care? I mean, I guess sometimes I like to think you care. Hell, sometimes I even fantasize that you sit around in your room thinking about me. Sometimes, I even like to think that you- _

_Never mind about that. It doesn't matter._

_Oh shit, Karkat just woke up! I promise I'll write as soon as possible!_

_Love you best friend!_

_John _

**Hi readers!**

**Hemlockforensics here! So, I've been wanting to write a Campstuck AU for some time now. This will basically go between different forms of letters and texts, and a bit of actual dialogue here and there. Descriptions will be minimal, but I will change the rating if people want me to. (Make it go...higher...if you catch my drift). Anywho, this is only my second fanfiction, so please review! I need all the help I can get. I'm not sure If I want to continue this or not, so please just say something.**

**Thanks!**

**Hemlockforensics**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello wonderful readers!**

** So, in this chapter, I am introducing some dialogue! (There isn't a letter in this chapter!) There are two texting conversations; one between Karkat and Dave, and the other one is between John and Rose. At the end, there's a conversation between John and Karkat, but the description is very minimal. I want this fic to be very dialogue based, and I want readers to be able to use their imagination to picture what the characters look like. Eventually I'll put some flashbacks where there will be full description, but not for right now. Anywho, please enjoy! And review if you want any other pairings or you have any ideas of what you want to happen!**

**Thank you so much!**

**Hemlockforensics**

carcinoGeneticist began pestering turntechGodhead at 18:34

CG: DID YOU FUCKING WANT SOMETHING SHITHEAD

TG: i dont know

TG: you started pestering me vantass

CG: OH HAHAHAHA

CG: YOU ARE /SOOOO/ FUCKING ORIGINAL

CG: I AM LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY

TG: good im glad

TG: spent a long time thinkin up that one

CG: THAT IS ACTUALLY EXTREMELY SAD

CG: CONSIDERING THAT I HAVE HEARD IT NUMEROUS TIMES BEFORE

CG: SO WHAT DID YOU WANT YOU STUPID EXCUSE FOR AN OBJECT

TG: hey whoa

TG: like i said before buddy

TG: you messaged me

CG: …

CG: FINE.

CG: I WANTED TO KNOW WHY YOU DID NOT COME WITH US

CG: I KEEP ATTEMPTING TO ASK EGBERT

CG: BUT HE'S EVIDENTLY TOO FUCKING BUSY GAWKING LIKE AN IDIOT AT SPIDERBITCH THAN TO GIVE ME A PIECE OF MIND

TG: wait like

TG: hes staring at vriska

CG: OH MY FUCKING GOG

CG: YES OF COURSE HE IS STARING AT VRISKA

CG: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU TAKE ME FOR

CG: I'M NOT BLIND YOU DICK SUCKING HOBKNOCKER

TG: whoa no need to break out your fancy british tomfoolery

CG: TOMFOOLERY IS A WORD ONLY DIPSHITS USE.

CG: IN FACT I DON'T THINK IT'S A WORD AT ALL.

TG: tom·fool·er·y

[tom-foo-l_uh_-ree] Show IPA

_**noun, plural **_**tom·fool·er·ies.**

**1.**

foolish or silly behavior; tomfoolishness.

**2.**

a silly act, matter, or thing.

CG: WAIT

CG: YOU ACTUALLY FUCKING LOOKED THAT UP

TG: if it means proving me right and you wrong

TG: i will go to any extreme

TG: even using the frightening

TG:...

TG: dicktionary

CG: DID YOU JUST FUCKING MAKE A PUN

TG: for ironic purposes yeah

TG: and it was the best fucking pun youll ever have the pleasure of seeing

CG: NO IT WAS AWFUL

CG: I WOULD RATHER GOUGE MY OWN EYES OUT AND HAVE THEM STUCK UP MY OWN ASSHOLE BEFORE EVER SEEING THAT AGAIN.

TG: oooh

TG: kinky

TG: karkinky

CG: WHAT THE FUCK

TG: karkinkles

CG: OH MY FUCKING GOG STOP IT NOW

CG: THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE

TG: karkinkles vantass

TG: the demon dicktionary of fleet street

CG: GOD FUCKING DAMMIT DAVE

CG: I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP

TG: not what you said last night

CG: FUCK

TG: what

CG: YOU

TG: thanks but no thanks

TG: got some bigger fish to fry

TG: so

CG: WHAT

TG: im still a rockstar

CG: SHUT THE FUCK UP WITH THE SONGS

CG: YOU LOOK GAYER THAN KURT HUMMEL ON THE FOURTH OF JULY

TG: im the one who just made a glee reference

CG: UGH

CG: ANYWAY

CG: WHY THE FUCK AREN'T YOU HERE

CG: I MEAN NOT THAT I WANT YOU TO BE HERE OR ANYTHING

CG: IN FACT I AM GOING TO HAVE THE GREATEST FUCKING TIME OF MY LIFE

CG: BECAUSE FOR ONCE

CG: DAVE FUCKING STRIDER ISN'T THERE TO RUIN IT

CG: AND I CAN DO WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT

TG: fuck

TG: karkat

TG: my heart is broken

TG: shit call the ambulance

CG: NO ONE GIVES A FUCK ABOUT YOUR HEART

CG: EXCEPT FOR MAYBE EGBERT

CG: BUT HE'S A LITTLE SHIT TOO

TG: n-no

TG: i am actually fucking dying

TG: shit karkat hates me

CG: OH GROW THE FUCK UP

TG: at least i know when i die

TG: that i was always taller than you

TG: so i was

TG: m-more grown up than you are

CG: I AM SERIOUSLY ABOUT TO BLOCK YOUR PESTERCHUM

CG: RIGHT

CG: FUCKING

CG: NOW

TG: just one more thing before i die

CG: YES JOHN PISSED IN ONE OF YOUR JUICE BOXES

TG: what

CG: WHAT

TG: karkat

TG: listen

TG: make sure to

CG: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT

TG: i need you to

CG: OH MY FUCKING GOG JUST SPIT IT THE FUCK OUT

TG: tell terezi

TG: or rather remind her

TG: that she loves me

CG: YOU ARE THE WORST FUCKING "FRIEND"

CG: EVER AND I HATE YOUR FUCKING GUTS

CG: JUST FOR THAT I AM GOING TO SLEEP IN A BUNK WITH JOHN EGBERT

TG: why the fuck would i care about that

TG: i mean

TG: if youre gay its cool and all

TG: but i dont think john is

CG: FUCK YOU I HATE YOU

TG: love you too karkinkles

carcinoGeneticist blocked turntechGodhead at 19:02

TG: huh

TG: guess he didnt really care why im not there

tentacleTherapist started pestering ectoBiologist at 19:02

EB: oh hey rose!

EB: what's up?

TT: I suppose I have gotten just a bit well, spiritless back here.

EB: oh so you needed some good old spirit lifting?

TT: No, quite the opposite actually.

TT: I needed someone extremely mind numbingly dull to get my mind off of Kanaya.

EB: what?

EB: hey!

EB: i'm not mind numbingly dull!

EB: i think i'm really interesting!

TT: Thank you. You are doing a perfect job, this is exactly what I needed.

EB: roooooose!

TT: Yes?

EB: i'm not boring!

TT: Right, of course.

EB: wait, why do you need to get your mind off kanaya?

TT: Didn't I just ask for you to bore me?

TT: I don't want to think about her right now.

EB: aw, trouble in paradise?

TT: I believe you should stick to ectobiology, Mr. Egbert.

TT: I am afraid that my chumhandle is the one that says "Therapist".

TT: I believe I can manage my own feelings, thank you very much.

EB: well yeah, but if you don't sound it out it sounds like one of those creepy cartoons bro watches!

EB: tentacle the rapist.

TT: Dear lord, Johnathan. I am disappointed. How could you honestly look at something so innocent and translate it to that?

EB: oh um…

EB: i'm sorry!

TT: It is quite alright.

TT: Honestly I was just doing what you would call "poking fun".

EB: sorry i can't ever tell when you're joking or not!

TT: Of course you can't. Because clearly I'm an emotionless robot with no time for fun.

TT: Psssht.

TT: For your information, I am currently reading a very interesting fantasy novel.

EB: rose…

EB: that's not fun.

TT: How dare you? Of course it is fun.

EB: ...

EB: so why are you mad at kanaya?

TT: I am not.

EB: wait, what?

TT: I am not angry with her.

EB: so then…

EB: why do you want to get your mind off of her?

TT: Because she has fallen asleep, I am afraid.

TT: On me.

EB: holy shit that is so cute!

TT: No it is not.

EB: rose.

EB: your totally hot girlfriend just fell asleep on you.

EB: it's really cute.

TT: I am going to pretend like I did not just see you call my partner "hot".

TT: And back to the subject of this being cute.

TT: It is not. It was for a moment, but once she started drooling, the cuteness had replaced itself with fatigue.

EB: you're really that grossed out?

TT: John, I am weary of it. Fatigue does not mean "grossed out". It means I am tired.

EB: then why don't you just fall asleep?

TT: Then I would fall asleep upon Kanaya.

EB: oh.

EB: whelp, karkat's starting to look annoyed, i should probably talk to him!

EB: bye kanaya!

"Karkat?" John looked at his friend, quirking up an eyebrow.

"Is there something you want, shitknuckle?" He glared at him, shoving his phone into his backpack.

"Shitknuckle? That's a new one!" John smiled, "I'm proud of your newly widened use of vocabulary!"

"What the fuck ever." Karkat groaned, turning to face the window.

"Okay," John sighed. "What's wrong, Karkat?"

"Nothing is fucking wrong! Now shut the fuck up before I push you out of this stupid fucking goddamn bus!" Karkat turned to him.

"Okay! Okay, fine!" John lifted his hands up defensively. "Just don't push me out of a bus! That would suck so much!"

"Why the fuck isn't Dave here anyway?" Karkat looked out the window again.

"Oh...that's what this is about?" John smirked. "Look, it's okay Karkat, I miss Dave too!"

"I do NOT fucking miss that stupid fuckwaffle!" Karkat snapped again, "I am just curious. Is that too much to fucking ask for? Or is your brain to pathetically small to be able to process even the smallest shit as that?!"

"Boy, why is everyone insisting on calling me stupid today?" John shook his head, but then smiled back at Karkat. "His Bro made him stay home to look after Dirk!"

"Oh man, that fucking sucks." Karkat shuddered. "I would fucking hate having a younger sibling. I mean, if Kankri is such a little son of a bitch, I can't even imagine. Fuck what would I do if I had to take care of Kankri for a fucking week?!" His eyes widened, causing John to laugh.

"Hey, I think Jane is pretty cool! We get along pretty well!" He said, shrugging his shoulders. "But then again, she's pretty kick ass. I mean, aside from all the goddamn baking…" He shivered.

"Fuck, how did we end up with such weird ass fucking families?" Karkat smirked lightly, turning to face John.

"I have no idea!" He laughed even harder, happy to see Karkat smile.

And that was when the bus arrived at Camp Skaia. John and Karkat looked each other and smiled, knowing that their favorite time of the year had arrived once more.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Hello Everyone!**_

_** I realized I had forgotten to mention something pretty important in the last chapter! So, basically all of the Alpha Trolls are older than the Beta, but Dirk, Roxy, Jane and Jake are the younger siblings to John, Rose, Dave and Jade. I thought I could do some cute stuff with that. (Hence a DirkJake reference in this chapter. Who knows, I may go somewhere with that!) Thank you so much for the reviews, they are always accepted! Thank you for reading, and enjoy this next chapter!**_

_**Hemlockforensics**_

turntechGodhead started pestering ectoBiologist at 24:00

EB: hi dave!

TG: yo my favorite derp

TG: sup

EB: hahaha nothing much!

EB: we just finally arrived at camp!

TG: oh cool

TG: so uh

TG: whos in your cabin

EB: whelp, there weren't enough guys to have two cabins, so we're all in one!

TG: sweet

TG: who are ya bunkin with

EB: karkat!

TG: oh

TG: cool

TG: i mean i guess

TG: yeah super cool

TG: hope thats fun for you

EB: i'm sure it will be!

EB: karkat's really cool!

EB: except he's topping…

EB: why does everyone do that?

TG: egbert

TG: please babe

TG: you couldnt be dominant when fucking nepeta

EB: WHAT?!

EB: DAVE!

TG: john

EB: I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT!

TG: hey if youve got a thing for vantas thats cool

TG: as long as i get to be the best man at your wedding

EB: pffft dave, you know i like girls!

EB: don't be silly!

TG: right

TG: of course

TG: so

TG: whats up

EB: whelp, i'm about to go exploring with karkat, vriska and terezi!

TG: shit vriska

EB: yep!

EB: wait, why shit vriska?

TG: nothin

TG: never mind

TG: remind me to never ever fucking text karkinkles again

EB: ...karkinkles?

TG: hahahaha

TG: dude call him that i dare you

EB: okay i did!

TG: and

TG: ?

EB: I FUCKING HATE YOU WITH A PASSION DAVE

TG: ah see you stole egdorks phone

TG: and my bed

EB: I TOLD YOU I WOULD YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH

TG: look karkat

TG: if you really wanna chit chat

TG: you could unblock me from your pesterchum

EB: FINE.

EB: WAIT. MAYBE I WON'T.

TG: ugh

TG: whatever

TG: just put john back on

EB: okay, i'm back now!

EB: sorry about the delay!

TG: nah its cool

EB: sweet!

EB: so how's dirk?

TG: a little shit

TG: he keeps fucking drawing pictures

EB: pictures?

EB: of what?

TG: some stupid kid with glasses and black hair

TG: and really green eyes

EB: ooooh, maybe it's a girl he has a crush on!

TG: nah its of a dude

TG: but hell lil man might be gay or some shit

EB: ...what? he's five dave!

EB: there's no way he could know that!

TG: huh

TG: he keeps pointing at it and saying

TG: "CAAAAAAKE"

TG: "BO I WANNA SEE CAAAAAAAKE"

TG: do you think he might be your fathers son

TG: is dirk really your brother

TG: that would be a magic ending to my shitty situation.

EB: whelp, maybe he's not saying cake?

EB: i mean like, what rhymes with cake?

TG: make

TG: bake

TG: shake

TG: fake

TG: take

TG: quake

EB: yeah maybe he just wants cake.

TG: yeah probably.

TG: aight i gotta fly

EB: okie dokie!

EB: text me later?

TG: you sound like a stupid girlfriend

TG: but sure whatever

turntechGodhead ceased pestering ectoBiologist at 1:04

_June 14th, 2014_

_Dear Dave,_

_ I understand that it's the second time that I've written to you today, but sometimes you just give me closure, you know? Also I felt like I should let you know everything that happens today. I mean, I know I already texted you and everything, but I still like to tell you even more than I did on the phone._

_ Once we arrived at camp, we got to choose our cabins. Of course, I'm sharing a bunk with Karkat, like I told you I would; he's on top. I really wanted to get the top bunk, but I guess I'm just always destined to get the bottom, even with Karkat. Do you remember how we used to argue about who got to have the top bunk? I do. We also have Gamzee, Sollux, Tavros and Eridan in our cabin. After a lot of fuss, it was decided that Tavros and Gamzee would share a bunk, and Eridan and Sollux would share one. You should have seen the looks on their faces! They hooted and hollered for when seemed like hours! You know, it's almost uncanny how much Sollux and Eridan seem to hate each other… I think it might have something to do with the fact that Sol is dating Feferi now. Did you know that? I'm sure you did. You're much farther in the loop than I am, and I'm not even here!_

_...I just realized how many gay sex jokes you could make from that last paragraph; and I know you would make a few. It seems like the only jokes you ever make are gay sex jokes! Whelp, that and making me feel nerdy. But that's okay, I love every word that comes out of those perfect red lips of yours! I suppose that's what makes us such good friends- we adore every part of one another. _

_ Anywho, after we went to our cabins and put our shit down, we went to the tents outside and listened to all of the rules. You remember that, right? It was SOOOO boring. But luckily, I got to sit next to Jade, which was pretty fun! She's doing very well, it seems. I also got to sit with Vriska. I think she got a new perfume this summer, it smells really good. I wonder if she's trying to get a boyfriend or something. You know, it must be really hard to get a boyfriend when you're as tall as she is. I mean, she's really pretty! With that blond hair and her dark blue eyes...I personally think that if she were to wear less makeup, she would be able to get a boyfriend in no time. The only issue is, I think she tries too hard. I think she's really insecure, Dave. I always feel really sorry for people who look insecure. Do you suppose I am? Insecure, I mean...I suppose all humans are in a certain way._

_ After the rules, we went on a scavenger hunt around the area. Karkat, Vriska, Terezi and I teamed up to explore! It was really cool, I'm sure that Jake would have been proud of my adventurous attitude. It started out really fun, since Vriska is so friendly. However, Karkat eventually started yelling at her for whatever reason (you know how he is!) and then Terezi joined in. You know, Dave, I don't think I ever want to have a girlfriend. They look like they're so much work. I mean, they should know how lucky they are to be able to be with someone like you or Karkat. Honestly, Terezi is an idiot. Like, what is she, completely blind?!_

_Right._

_She is._

_ Basically, what ended up happening to us, was Karkat decided to take us off the trail. Do you remember last year when Eridan got stinging nettle all over his back? You know, the night when I fell in the burs… Right, not going to talk about that. I know that story makes you feel awkward. Funnily enough, Sollux hardly even cares about it when I mention it. I wonder why it freaks you out so much. Oh darn, I'm rambling again, aren't I? Whelp, ever since that day, stinging nettle in the Skaia forests has become somewhat of a legend. So guess where we ended up? _

_ The answer is, on a really steep hill covered in stinging nettle with only a few trees to hold onto, and a small creek at the bottom. It was a disaster! Terezi went down first, and she helped Vriska (who was covered in stinging nettle) down into the creek. Then, Karkat took my hand and led me down the hill as well. But, knowing me, I tripped over a root which stuck out of the ground, and tumbled forward with him. By the time we reached the creek, our bodies were entangled in a big, muddy mess, and the girls were laughing hysterically. I was so embarrassed! And Karkat was pissed off too...He hasn't even spoken to me since then. He's just sitting above me, texting away on his phone per usual. He's really weird sometimes. I think, in a minute, I'll go climb up into his bed and poke him until he forgives me. Well….either that or I'll just put red Koolaid in the shower-head that he'll use tomorrow morning. You know how much he hates the color red! Plus, I love the color red. It's the color of love, passion, blood which helps us survive and the color of your eyes. Honestly, Dave. I know that you hate them...But I think they're so cool. Do you remember when I first saw them? I do. _

_ Anyway, I should probably go try to appease our friend, Grumpy, the 5th dwarf. _

_ Love,_

_ John_

_PS: I hope you'll text me more. I really like getting your messages._

grimAuxiliatrix began pestering carcinoGeneticist at 21:21

GT: Hello, Karkat.

GT: I Saw That You Were Not In A Very Good Mood Today.

CG: UGH

CG: KANAYA SHUT THE FUCK UP

CG: THIS IS HOW I AM EVERY DAY.

GT: Are You Sure?

GT: I Am Supposing That You Are Not On Pesterchum At This Time Of Night When You Can Just As Easily Be Conversing With Someone Else In The Room.

CG: WHO THE FUCK WOULD I WANT TO TALK TO

CG: GAMZEE IS FUCKING HIGH AGAIN

CG: TAVROS IS JUST FUCKING STUPID I MEAN WHO WOULD WANT TO HAVE A CONVERSATION WHEN IT TAKES HIM TEN FUCKING MINUTES TO GET A SINGLE SYLLABLE WORD OUT OF HIS INSANELY BABY-LIKE FACE

CG: AND ERIDAN AND SOLLUX ARE JUST BOTH FIGHTING PRICKS

GA: Oh Dear.

GA: Are They Fighting Again?

CG: YEAH I THINK IT'S ABOUT FEFERI

GA: No, I Do Not Think So.

CG: THEN WHAT THE FUCK WOULD IT BE ABOUT

GA: I Do Not Think I Am At Liscence To Say, Dear.

CG: YOU FUCKING DRIVE ME UP THE WALL YOU KNOW THAT

GA: Karkat, Darling.

GA: Everyone Seems To Drive You Up The Wall.

GA: You Know, When I First Met Rose We Were Not Very Close. We Were Also So Focused On Our Friendship And Not Being Homosexual That We Fought Often. I Would Become Jealous Over Practically Any Other Female Or Male Whom She Conversed With. I Would Also Become Frequently Embarrassed Over Any Physical Contact We Might Share, And Not Wish To Speak With Her For Days At A Time. I Suppose That Is Just What Humans Do Though When They Are Seeking Romantic Partners.

CG: KANAYA

CG: SHUT THE FUCK UP

CG: YOU ARE RAMBLING

CG: AGAIN

GA: Oh, Sorry Dear.

GA: I Apologize.

CG: WHAT THE FUCK EVER.

CG: JUST DON'T START LECTURING

CG: I CAN ONLY DEAL WITH ONE FUCKING KANKRI IN MY LIFE.

GA: Of Course, Dear.

CG: SO WAS THERE A POINT TO THAT WEIRD FUCKING RANT

GA: Yes.

CG: ARE YOU GOING TO TELL ME IT

GA: No. You Will Find Out Soon Enough.

CG: WHAT THE FUCK.

GA: Oh My I Have To Depart.

CG: FUCK

CG: WHY

GA: Rose Wishes To Climb Into Bed With Me For "Snuggling".

GA: I Should Respect Her Wishes.

CG: HA

CG: SEE

CG: I WAS RIGHT I KNEW SHE WOULD COME AROUND

GA: Yes, You Were Right. I Should Come To You For Romantic Advice More Often.

GA: I Am Sure My Attempt On The Bus Worked Well Too.

CG: FOR LACK OF BETTER WORDS

CG: IT WAS REALLY FUCKING ADORABLE

GA: Yes, I Agree.

CG: KANAYA

CG: I AM THE RELATIONSHIP MASTER

GA: Yes You Are.

GA: On Everyone's Feelings, Excluding Your Own.

grimAuxaliatrix ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist at 21:45

CG: WAIT WHAT


	4. Chapter 4

_**Hello readers!**_

_** Man, I hope these aren't becoming too repetitive. So basically, in this chapter I ship Rosemary hardcore and I bring some new characters in! Sorry, the last two thirds are a bit short. I'll keep working on it. REMEMBER PLEASE REVIEW NO MATTER WHAT I LOVE GETTING THEM THEY ARE SUCH DAY-MAKERS.**_

_**THANK YOU**_

_**Hemlockforensics 3**_

tentacleTherapist began pestering grimAuxiliatrix at 7:34

TT: Kanaya?

TT: Where did you go?

(8:00 time change)

TT: I am starting to worry, dear.

TT: You are not in the cafeteria nor in our cabin.

TT: Where did you go?

GA: Oh, Hello Rose, Darling.

TT: Oh thank goodness.

TT: Where the hell are you?

GA: Are We Using Foul Language Now?

TT: I felt like it was alright to use in such a situation.

GA: I Was Just Taking A Shower, I Apologize For Worrying You.

TT: Oh.

TT: I realized I forgot to check the restrooms.

GA: Well, I Am Getting Dressed As We Speak.

TT: Oh, are you?

TT: That is pleasing.

TT: May I come see you?

GA: Of Course Not.

GA: That Would Be Inappropriate.

TT: Of course.

TT: However, it would make up for the horrid way I was forced to wake up.

GA: Oh, Really. And How Was That?

TT: Without you snuggled into my side.

TT: I honestly missed the drool, I was expecting it.

GA: Oh My.

GA: I Do Believe A Large Blush Has Just Creeped Onto My Face.

TT: Good. That was what I was aiming for, after all.

GA: You And Your Knowledge Of The Human Brain.

TT: That is why I'm a therapist.

TT: Hahahahahahaha.

GA: What?

TT: I just remembered what John thought my chumhandle was.

GA: And What Was That?

TT: Never mind, I don't think it is fitting to tell my partner.

GA: Alright, I Trust Your Judgement.

GA: How Is John Fairing Anyway?

TT: I believe he is alright.

TT: Although, from our past conversations, it is horrifyingly clear that he misses Dave quite a bit.

GA: Oh.

GA: Does That Mean What I Believe It To?

TT: I am honestly not entirely sure.

TT: All the signs have pointed to his homosexuality.

GA: Karkat Believes Him To Be In Love With Vriska.

TT: Oh.

TT: I suppose that is plausible.

TT: Is Karkat?

GA: No, I Don't Think He Has Feelings For Vriska.

TT: No. I meant, is he a homosexual also?

GA: I Am Afraid That Is Not My Information To Share.

GA: Mainly Because I Honestly Have No Idea.

TT: Alright.

TT: I do believe John's feelings for Dave may not just be platonic, though.

GA: I Would Not Be Surprised.

GA: Does Dave Have Similar Feelings Though?

TT: I do not know, to be very honest.

GA: I Am Glad John Does Not Have Feelings For Vriska.

GA: She Could Only Make Him Extremely Sad.

TT: Kanaya, dear. May we please not talk about Vriska again?

GA: Apologies.

GA: Hold On, What Do You Mean By "Again"?

TT: It's nothing.

TT: Sometimes it just seems as though all of our conversations lead to her.

TT: I understand that people we do not date anymore become…

TT: A large portion of what we think of.

TT: But isn't the point to get over her?

GA: Rose, I Am Over Her.

GA: I Am In A Relationship With You.

GA: I Was Only Worried About John's Well Being.

TT: Of course.

TT: I apologize.

TT: I do believe that you are over her, that is clear to me.

GA: So What Do You Propose We Do On The John Subject?

TT: I believe we should just "wait it out", as some would say.

TT: Just to see if they have the ability to understand their feelings on their own.

TT: However, I will bring the subject up with both Dave and John.

GA: Alright, I Shall Speak With Karkat.

TT: Shall I expect to see you in a moment?

GA: Yes, Meet Me In The Dining Hall.

TT: Alright.

TT: Perhaps we'll even share our meals.

TT: And make John squeal.

GA: I Do Believe That Was A Rhyme.

TT: Dave would be so proud.

GA: John Would Fall In Love.

TT: Oh gosh.

TT: See you in a moment.

tentacleTherapist ceased pestering grimAuxiliatrix at 8:24

"Hey, fuckface. Wake up." John's eyes opened at the raspy sound of his friend's voice. When he analyzed the situation around him, his blue eyes met Karkat's dark brown. Karkat was a small boy, about the same height as John, except far thinner. He had a constant scowl on his sallow face, and this morning was no different. For a moment, John just stared up at him, reading every feature on the boy's face. There they sat, looking at one another, before John rolled over and whimpered.

"Why? Karkat, it's so early…" He whined, his voice squeaking toward the end.

"Because, you stupid sack of slime, you need to eat some fucking breakfast so we can enjoy this stupid fucking day of summer camp." Karkat growled, yanking the sleeping bag off of his nerdy friend.

"Ugh, I don't need breakfast…" John rubbed his eyes, yawning. "Breakfast is for losers…"

"No. Fuck that." Karkat frowned, "I need you to be healthy, you stupid douchenozzle. If you get sick or hurt or what-the-fuck-ever, then who the fuck am I going to spend time with?"

"I dunno…" John put his glasses on, which were laying on the ground beside him all night, "Maybe Gamzee or something? He _is _your best friend and all…"

"Ugh! What would Dave say?" Karkat's frown increased.

"He wouldn't care…" John slipped his sneakers on.

"Fuck no! He'd say, 'Now Egderp,'" Karkat mimicked the Strider's slight Southern drawl, "'You best be eatin' that breakfast, or else I am going to come up to you and wreck every little bit of your stupid insolent life, because I am Dave Strider and that is what I do to everyone.' "

"Karkat, you really shouldn't try humor, it's not your area of expertise." John smiled, and got up, opening the cabin door.

"Fuck you, you stupid shitstain. I am far funnier than you could ever hope to be."

"Hahaha, yeah, sorry Karkat! No chance in hell!"

caligulasAquarium started pestering twinArmageddons at 12:34

TA: ii2 there 2omethiing you want ed?

TA: or are you ju2t 2tupiid enough two troll me onliine?

CA: actually yes i wwanted somethin

CA: i wwant you to stop datin fef

TA: and why the fuck would ii lii2ten two you, you in2ufferable a22hole?

CA: i cant answwer that question

CA: just please dump her

TA: oh my gog

TA: diid my eye2 ju2t decieve me?

TA: or diid you ju2t 2ay "plea2e"?

CA: yeah sol i said please

TA: look, 2he'2 my giirlfriiend.

TA: and iit 2eem2 very clear two me that 2he doe2n't want two be your giirlfriiend.

TA: 2o 2hut the fuck up.

CA: oh fuck you sol

CA: you think youre so high n mighty

CA: wwell youre not

CA: youre a creepy little lispy freak

CA: wwho should belong in a mental hospital because he can hear voices inside of his head

TA: at lea2t ii'm not a 2poiled liittle brat wiith daddy problem2,

TA: who could never even get laiid by a hooker.

CA: wwhy do you hate me so much anywway

TA: becau2e you're 2tupiid.

twinArmageddons blocked caligulasAquarium at 12:45

CA: wwell fuck you "two"


	5. Chapter 5

_**Hello beautiful readers!**_

_**THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS THEY MAKE MY HEART SING! And yes, I really like the gradual elements to relationships, I am glad you noticed that. I also have a lot of fun toying with the characters, specifically writing for Karkat and Dave is really fun! I try to update as quickly as possible, because I'm planning on this being a really long story. Also, I want you all to know that the more you follow, favorite, and review, I want to update! So PLEASE REVIEW! So, in this chapter, there is a portion which talks about #triggerwarning sex. So if you are uncomfortable, please just skip that part. Thank you so much, everyone!**_

_**Hemlockforensics**_

Sollux sighed as he drearily gazed up at the bright sun above him. He absolutely despised hikes; he hated the heat which made sweat pool and drip down his face, the "beautiful" scenery which provided no fucking trees in sight, and the fact that he would be forced to actually _talk _to people. At the moment, he found himself in a group of sixteen-year-olds who were giddily talking and walking up an endless hill. He turned and stared at his own walking buddy, who seemed to be talking non-stop about her friends and the beautiful scenery around them. He frowned at the sight of her. Not to get him wrong, he was glad to be dating Feferi. She was beautiful with her amethyst eyes and long, curly hair. She also had large breasts, which most people would find attractive, but he did not like breasts very much. He did not like her very much, to be completely honest with himself. Sure, she was a great friend of his and she was super sweet, but he just couldn't find himself interested. In the end, the only reason why he decided to be her boyfriend was to make Eridan mad. The stupid prick _did _deserve it, after all. Walking around like he was better than everyone else because his family was more wealthy than everyone else. With his stupid tall stature and hipster glasses which hid his perfect violet eyes. What Sollux despised the most about him, though, was how he always stared at Feferi the way he did. He would look at her in the most longing and loving way, and Sollux hated that. So he decided to make the cocky Ampora pay by taking his woman. At the moment, however, he was starting to wonder what Eridan saw in her.

"And then, Meenah told him she didn't want him to be her buoyfrond anymoor, and she told him she never wanted to sea him again!" She giggled lightly, "But then, he looked her in the eye and said 'Look, babe, I don't even like girls'!" She started laughing even harder. Sollux blinked twice, not even realizing he wasn't paying attention.

"Yeah, that'th thuper funny, FF." He smiled at her, and turned around, spotting Eridan. He was walking by himself, seemingly texting on his phone. He glanced up at Sollux, and met the awful discolored eyes with the perfect purple. Fuck, Sollux hated him for those stupidly good looks. If he didn't have such a stupid personality, Eridan could get any fucking girl he wanted. Sollux smirked at the thought, and wrapped an arm around Feferi, causing her to giggle and squeal, then resume her story. Sollux smirked back at Eridan, watching him huff. Good. He hated the stupid prick and he fucking deserved this.

**CRONUS** started texting you at 12:04

wwhat do you wwant

**nothing at all, cheif.**

**just vwanted to see hovw you vwere doing.**

ugh can you not

i mean i am not vvery happy right noww and i could really use some peace and quiet

**vwait, you're unhappy, eri?**

**vwhy are you unhappy?**

none of your business ya stupid prick

**hey, that's not something you call your brother, eri.**

**and i knovw that i can be a pain in the ass, but i'm vworking on that.**

**so you can tell me vwhat's up.**

wwhat if i don't wwant to

**then i'll just end up guessin anyvway**

**so you might as vwell spit it out**

nah i wwont

**girl troubles?**

no

**boy troubles?**

(12:07)

**i'll take the silence as a yes.**

**vwhat's his name, cheif?**

sollux.

**the captor?!**

yeah

hes datin fef

**oh vwovw, i'm so sorry eri.**

since wwhen are you sorry

wwhy the fuck do you evven care anywway

**if anyone knovws what being rejected is like its me**

**plus findin out you like guys is probably hard**

wwait dontcha like guys

**yeah i do.**

but ya dont have a boyfriend

**sometimes being in lowve vwith someone aint all it's cracked up to be, cheif.**

wwho do you lovve

**vwe're talking about you right novw.**

right

**so hovw long has he been vwith fef?**

a wweek or so

i think he thinks i like her

so he keeps turnin to me an smirkin

**thats not wvery nice.**

yeah

but i dont think he knowws im into him

**i vwouldn't be surprised if he didn't knovw.**

**but that still sucks, chief.**

yeah

but its cool i guess

fuck

**vwhat is it, cheif?**

he just started lookin at me and drapin his arm ovver her

**avw man, that sucks.**

**vwhat a dick!**

fuck an noww hes puttin his focus back on her

**you deserwve better anyvway, cheif.**

so do you

wwho are ya in lovve with

**oh vwould you look at that!**

**gotta go cheif.**

**text be about the prick later to see if he does anything!**

no wwait

**bye.**

**CRONUS** disconnected.

"Fucking hell, John is so cute." Vriska said, licking her blue painted lips and staring at the short boy a few feet in front of her, "The kind of shit I could do to that boy if he'd let me. I'd fuck him up real nice."

"Aw, come on Vriska!" Terezi rolled her eyes, "Boys are so BORING. Trust me, he'd just be like Dave and Karkat!"

"Nah," Vriska shrugged her shoulders, "They both wanna fuck him up too. Let loose on all their kinky desires. John is the perfect sub, after all. Look at those big fucking eyes."

"I really do not understand your desire, to be quite honest." Kanaya said, looking up at her tall friend. "Mainly because I believe John to be a homosexual."

"He's still in the closet, though," Vriska smirked down at Kanaya, "That still gives me time to take his virginity and innocence before letting him loose in the wild."

"That would be absolutely horrible." Kanaya frowned. "I do not see the appeal in having sex at our age anyway."

"Wait! Kankan!" Terezi turned to her, "Don't tell me you and Rose haven't fucked yet!"

"I prefer the term 'making love', or something other than that distasteful word," Kanaya crinkled her nose, "But no, we have not gotten to that point in our relationship yet."

"So you're still a virgin?!" Vriska laughed, "Fuck, I should have stopped that when we were in a relationship!"

"Yes, and I am glad we did not do something so intimate, for I would rather do it with Rose." Kanaya looked at her again, "Besides, it's not as if it's something on a list you must check off. You should do something so intimate with someone you truly love and want to spend a long while with. Rose and I have not gotten to that point yet. However, I am sure we shall get to that point in time."

"Dave was great in bed," Terezi licked her lips, "I'm actually a little upset we had to break up. I mean, so what I tried something with Gamzee! I still came back to him didn't I?"

"I think you're allowed to fuck around a little bit," Vriska laid her arm around Terezi, "I mean, being Bi and all, I do so all the time."

"I wish you both would not talk about something so intimate in such a horrible way." Kanaya's brow furrowed.

"Oh, come on, Kanaya," Vriska rolled her eyes dramatically, "You need to get laid so fucking badly. Hell, I'll even do it myself if you'd like."

"I would very much NOT like that!" Kanaya gasped, moving away from her, "You understand that I am Rose's partner now and I do believe I am in love with her. I would be willing to wait as long as she would like me to!"

"Well, you're missing out," Terezi sneered, "Vriska can finger like no other." Vriska laughed at the last comment as Kanaya's eyes grew wide.

"You mean, you two…" She murmured out.

"Yeah, but it ain't nothin official yet." Vriska smirked, grabbing Terezi's buttocks, "I mean, we just like to mess around a bit sometimes."

"Yep!" Terezi laughed at the touch. "And you can join us _anytime."_ She added, winking an eye.

"No thank you," Kanaya frowned, "In fact, I do believe I am leaving to go converse with Karkat. I do not want any part of this conversation, thank you very much." And with that, she walked forward to Karkat so she could walk with him.

"Eh, she's missing out." Terezi shrugged, "More for me I guess."

"Hey, speaking of which, can we get down and dirty tonight?" Vriska smiled at her, "Mama needs a lil' fixin'."

"Sure. But I get to be dominant." Terezi laughed.

tentacleTheripast began pestering turntechGodhead at 16:49

TG: hey sis

TG: sup

TT: Oh, nothing.

TT: Is it horrible to want to speak to my brother every once and a while?

TT: Or does there have to be a reason?

TG: …

TG: rose i say sup to everyone

TG: and now i know somethins up

TG: what the fuck happened

TT: Nothing, I am perfectly fine.

TG: somehow i highly doubt that

TG: talk to confessabear

TT: I do hope that reference is not what I thought it was.

TG: dirk was flippin shit

TG: spongebob was the only cure

TT: How is the little darling anyway?

TG: anythin but a lil darlin

TG: fuckin twerp cant stop cryin

TG: and bros been gone for a while

TT: Really? Is mother home?

TG: nah

TG: shes still on that business trip

TG: or what the fuck ever

TG: so im takin care of the kid by myself

TT: Do you have any idea where Broderick may be?

TG: nope

TG: just kinda left

TG: per usual

TG: probably got a new boy toy

TT: I would not be surprised.

TT: And Dirk cannot stop crying?

TG: nah and he keeps saying he wants cake

TT: Then why don't you get him cake?

TG: thats just the thing

TG: i did

TG: and he just throws it

TG: and then he draws a picture of this kid

TG: and points at it

TG: and screams "CAAAAAKE" again

TG: i have no idea what it means

TT: Well, why don't you ask Roxy?

TG: roxy is four

TG: how the fuck can she help

TT: Well, she goes to school with Dirk, correct?

TG: well yeah

TG: theyre twins like us

TG: dipshit

TT: Perhaps she will know who the boy in the picture is.

TG: huh

TG: maybe she will

TT: Who is the dipshit now?

TG: fuck you

TG: that is still up in the air

TT: Like your sexuality?

TG: fuck you

TG: again

TT: That is incest, brother dear.

TG: ugh

TG: wait

TG: do you think im gay

TT: I said nothing of the sort.

TG: you hinted at it

TT: I did no such thing.

TG: there were connotations

TG: awful awkward connotations

TT: You have no proof.

TG: uh yeah

TG: i do

TG: you wrote it earlier in the convo

TT: Are you?

TG: what

TT: A homosexual?

TG: why the fuck are you asking me that

TG: go die bitch

TT: I believe you should be open with who you are attracted to, no matter the consequences.

TG: no

TG: rose i am not gay

TT: Are you sure?

TG: fuck

TG: why do you keep asking me that

TT: You don't have to answer, just think about it.

TT: Are there any boys you are attracted to?

TG: fuck

TG: no

TG: of course not

TG: i mean egberts p cute

TG: if i had to fuck a dude it would be him

TT: All the information I needed. Perfect.

TG: wait

TG: you are so fuckin good at this psychology shit

TT: I agree, and I just made you admit you want to have sex with John Egbert.

TG: nah i said if i had to

TG: i mean you got me off topic

TG: youre flippin out over something

TG: whats botherin you

TT: Nothing.

TG: rose

TG: what is it

TT: …

TT: Fine.

TT: We are on a hike and Kanaya is conversing with Vriska.

TT: And not me.

TG: oooh

TG: harsh

TT: Yes, especially when I do not think Kanaya is over their relationship.

TG: fuck

TG: dude

TG: you made confessabear sad

TT: Stop with the confessabear, you'll never get a boyfriend with that attitude.

TG: hey

TG: dont make me pull a karkat and block you

TT: Karkat blocked yo?

TG: dont ask me

TG: it was only a matter of time

TG: anyway back to spiderbitch

TT: I am watching her and I do believe she just made Kanaya blush.

TG: stupid bitch

TG: how the fuck does she steal everyone

TT: ?

TG: nothin

TT: No there is something.

TG: honestly

TG: im just on your side

TT: Alright. When you're ready you may tell me.

TG: fuck you

TT: Again with the incest?

TT: I thought we were over this.

TG: ergh

TG: so what are you gonna do about it

TG: kick her ass all the way to china

TT: No.

TT: I will be civil and I shall bring it up in a later conversation with Kanaya.

TG: whatever floats your goat my friend

TT: Oh.

TG: what

TT: She huffed, stormed off, and is now conversing with Karkat.

TG: thats a good sign

TG: i think

TG: wait

TG: i have no fuckin clue

TG: shit

TT: What?

TG: dirk is cryin again

TG: im gonna go find out what the fuck cake is

TT: Perhaps you should go ask Mr. Egbert.

TT: He should have an answer for you.

TG: i actually tried

TG: hes evidently on a business trip too

TT: Wait a moment, do you think he could be with mother?

TG: i fuckin hope not

TG: how awkward would that be

TT: The only thing that would be more awkward is if he were with our older brother.

TG: touche

TT: I'll leave you to that then.

TG: aight

TG: bye sis

TT: Goodbye Dave.

turntechGodhead ceased pestering tentacleTherapist at 17:02

TT: Do admit you love him soon.


	6. Chapter 6

_**Hi everyone!**_

_**WHEW SUPER QUICK UPDATE LIKE IN THE SAME DAY! So, on some levels, I know exactly where I want this story to go. However, if anyone wants me to make certain ships cannon, please say so! Also, if you want me to make this more *cough cough* triggering, just say so. And please review! The more people review, the more inspired I will be to write this story. Also, I was thinking of adding some BroDad, JadeFef, and CronKri to the story. Please, let me know what you think! I'm also spicing up this chapter with a little phone call at the beginning.**_

**Jade **_Rose_

*Call Began at 12:05 pm*

"**Hi rose!"**

"_Oh, hello Jade."_

"**Why'd you decide to leave the hike?"**

"_I was beginning to feel a bit ill."_

"**Aw, really? Are you okay?"**

"_Yes, I do believe I am doing alright now."_

"**That's good to hear! So, have you heard from Dave lately?"**

"_Why are you attempting to spark conversation?"_

"**No reason!"**

"_Are you avoiding someone?"_

"**..."**

"**No, of course not, silly!"**

"_You're avoiding someone. Go on, dear. Tell me who it is."_

"**It's honestly no one! I just got bored, that's all!"**

"_Then why wouldn't you go speak with John or Feferi?"_

"**John's talking to Vriska…" **

"_And Feferi?"_

"**I…"**

"_She's the one you're avoiding, isn't she?"_

"**No!"**

"_Yes, she is. What happened?"_

"**Nothing! It's honestly okay, Rose!" **

"_I do not believe you. Is it because of Sollux?"_

"**Huh? What about him?"**

"_...Nothing."_

"**Um...Okay?"**

"_So why are you avoiding Feferi?"_

"**I'm not avoiding her! I would just rather talk to my best friend!"**

"_I'm...Your best friend?"_

"**Of course you are!"**

"_Oh…I've never…."_

"**You've never what?" **

"_Had a best friend before."_

"**What? Really?"**

"_Er, yes…"_

"**Well, I guess you have one now!"**

"_I do believe you have just made my day."_

"**So where's Dave?"**

"_Broderick and Mother are out of town, and so Dave was left at home to care for Roxy and Dirk."_

"**Oh! They are such sweethearts!"**

"_Yes, they are."_

"**Did you know that they go to the same kindergarten as my cousin?"**

"_Oh, really? How lovely."_

"**Yeah! I think Jake's really good friends with Dirk too! My Aunt says Jake wants to have a playdate sometime."**

"_Wait. What is your cousin's name again?"_

"**Jake!"**

"_Oh, dear. I am afraid I must go, Jade. I am glad we were able to converse." _

"**Huh? Uh, okay! Bye I guess!"**

"_Goodbye. And Jade?"_

"**What?"**

"_Tell Feferi how you feel as soon as possible."_

"**W-WHAT?!"**

*Call ended at 12:15 pm *

"Hello Karkat," Kanaya said as she walked up to her short friend. He had his hands in his jean pockets as he huffed, stepping up the long hill.

"Fuck off, Kanaya." He growled, kicking gravel as he stepped. "I know why you're talking to me, and I want you to know that I already had this stupid fucking conversation already with Kankri."

"I don't really care, Karkat." She placed a hand on his shoulder, "Are you feeling alright?"

"Yes, I am fucking _fine, _Kanaya!" He shrugged her hand off of him. "So go the fuck away!"

"You know you're not supposed to-" She began.

"I know what I'm not supposed to do! And I will stop fucking doing it if it hurts me! So FUCK OFF." He yelled at her and turned away.

"Does anyone know?" She stopped him.

"You, Kankri and Porrim. But it's not even official yet." He sighed.

"I'm going to ask the counselor if we can head back to camp." She looked up.

"NO! You can't!" He grabbed her arm, "Honestly, Kanaya, I'm going to be fine! I can go on one stupid measly hike!" She sighed and looked at him.

"Karkat, are you sure you want to keep it a secret?"

"I don't want anyone to know." He looked at the ground once more and continued to walk.

"I believe you should at least tell John." She stared ahead at the small boy who was currently talking to Vriska. She made a mental note to send Karkat up to distract him, she honestly did not want Vriska to do anything to him.

"I…" He paused, "I don't want him to ever know…"

"He's going to have to find out sometime, Karkat." She sighed, grabbing ahold of his hand.

"But...Kanaya, it's not even official yet, we still don't know for sure…" He relaxed immediately at her touch. "Plus, I know it's going to make him sad, and I don't know if I could live with myself for making him sad…"

"Karkat," Kanaya looked at the tears which were attempting to flow from his dark brown eyes. "It would not be your fault if he was sad, and I am sure he would never let you know how truly sad he was. He would be able to keep a stiff upper lip."

"But then comes a worse thought, Kanaya. What if he doesn't care? I mean, I know we're friends...But I'm not Dave, Kanaya. He wouldn't care as much." The tears started to flow, "What if he wouldn't care?"

"Oh Karkat…" She pulled him off to the side, so they were hidden, and embraced him. "Everyone cares about you. Including John, and we shall all be here by your side no matter what, you must understand that."

"But sometimes it's hard to understand that!" He snuggled himself into her. "I'm just...I'm scared, Kanaya. I'm scared that I don't know what is going on in my life, and I hate it."

"Shoosh, I know, dear…" She said, running a hand through his hair, "But I do think you should at least tell John. He deserves to know."

"Fuck…" He said, pulling away. "This really isn't a big deal in the first place. I don't see why I should get all worked up about it."

"It IS a large deal, Karkat," She wiped the tears from his eyes. "You just need to not strain yourself so much. Now, why don't you go walk with John, or someone to take your mind off of this?"

"Yeah," He sniffled. "Okay…"

turntechGodhead began pestering ectoBiologist at 1:20

TG: sup egderp

EB: oh hi dave!

TG: whatcha up to my main man

EB: hehehe, nothing much!

EB: just on a hike!

TG: oh sweet

EB: yeah, i'm not a big fan of hikes…

EB: but it really is pretty out here!

EB: plus i can message you and that's always great!

TG: fuck egbert

TG: i may or may not have just swooned

EB: pfffft yes, whelp, i get all the bitches to swoon!

TG: who would want to be your bitch

EB: at the moment vriska's seeming more than willing…

TG: wait

TG: what

TG: dude

TG: what the fuck is happenin

EB: i was just walking with her!

EB: but you texted me, so i walked away!

TG: what exactly did she say to you

EB: um, nothing that bad!

EB: just kinda like, "hey, you want to be partners in the night game?"

TG: did you say yes

EB: of course i did!

TG: fine okay

TG: i guess shes p cool

EB: yeah, i like her a lot!

EB: not to mention that's she's super duper pretty!

TG: yeah

TG: very pretty

EB: yep!

TG: so

TG: what else is new

EB: nothing much!

EB: i mean, life's just been kinda simple and fun!

TG: great

TG: hey so i heard your dads on a business trip

EB: ...no he's not.

TG: wait what

TG: i saw a sign on his door that said he was

EB: my dad's retired?

TG: what the fuck

TG: so hes lying about his whereabouts

TG: great

EB: shit!

EB: that's not good!

EB: oh well, i'll question him later! :)

TG: sweet

EB: so how's dirk doing?

TG: well

TG: i found out what "cake" meant

EB: really? what does it mean?

TG: evidently its jades cousin

EB: his name is cake?!

TG: no shitforbrains

TG: his name is jake

EB: OH!

TG: yeah

TG: i chit chatted with his parents

TG: and they seemed p fine with lettin him come over

EB: that's so cute!

TG: they are destined to be friends forever

TG: it has been written in the stars

TG: and recordings

EB: recordings?

TG: yeah im gonna film it when the lil prick walks through the doors

TG: it might be insanely adorable

TG: you never know

EB: that's so cute!

TG: totally

TG: so

TG: howre kanaya and rose doin

EB: ummmm

EB: i thought they were totally in love last time i saw them!

EB: vriska told me they haven't done the do yet though…

TG: jesus

TG: seriously

TG: how long have they been together now

EB: about a year and a half!

TG: holy shit that is so long

EB: dave! having sex isn't something that has to be done!

TG: yeah but its the best fuckin thing ever

EB: it's not that important, dave!

TG: only virgins say that

EB: …

TG: oh my god

TG: youre a virgin

EB: yeah, what about it?

TG: holy shit that is the funniest thing i have heard all day

EB: it is NOT funny!

EB: i'm waiting for the right person.

TG: holy fucking shit

TG: wait youve never even dated anyone

TG: have you ever even been kissed

EB: no!

TG: hahahahahahaha

EB: why the fuck do you care?!

TG: its adorable

TG: thats why

EB: it is not!

TG: your whole persona just became even more aw worthy

TG: i didnt even think it was fuckin possible

EB: dave!

TG: honestly john

TG: thats really sweet

TG: but also really gay

EB: FUCK YOU!

TG: that was also really gay

EB: no it wasn't!

EB: i'm not gay!

TG: suuuuuuuuuuure

TG: your cupcakes bring all the boys to the yard

EB: damn right! they're better than yours!

TG: ooh harsh

TG: now im cryin

TG: my heart is fryin

TG: and now im rhymin

EB: stop.

TG: without even tryin

TG: john please stop lyin

TG: youre into dicks

EB: that didn't even make sense!

TG: im not ever stoppin this

TG: im just such hot shit

TG: even you cant handle it

TG: my bodys so fit

EB: HOLY SHIT DAVE YOU ARE MAKING MY EYES BLEED!

TG: what

TG: i wrote a rap for you

TG: did you not like it

EB: no!

TG: so you do love me

EB: what?

TG: dont deny it egbert

TG: you are so gay

TG: you make parfait

EB: …was that a legally blond reference?

TG: this derp is gay AND european

TG: and neither is his place

TG: youve got to stop your bein a completely closet case

EB: go back to rapping!

EB: i liked that better!

TG: nah im bored now

EB: ugh!

TG: but seriously

TG: do you like girls

EB: no!

EB: fuck i mean yes!

TG: hahahahahaha

TG: freudian slip my friend

EB: fuck you!

TG: whoa

TG: take me to dinner first

EB: oh hey, karkat's walking up to me!

EB: gotta fly like the wind, bullseye!

TG: aight

EB: love you!

ectoBiologist ceased pestering turntechGodhead at 1:46

TG: love you too

_**Holy shit dave is such a loser. Just admit it already.**_


	7. Chapter 7

_**BEAUTIFUL READERS I AM SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING**_

_**I feel really badly! I should have updated much sooner. And this is kind of a short chapter, but I should come out with the next (AND LONGER ONE) by tomorrow night! Anywho, enjoy some Gamnep, Erisol, and other stuff! I was thinking that I'll do the Dirk/Jake thing the chapter after next (if I get enough reviews)! Again, let me know if you like anything (or want the rating to go up *wink wonk*), and remember that the more reviews I get the more I want to write this! Y'all are beautiful.**_

_**Hemlockforensics**_

_**PS: I was mainly busy because the boy I like asked me to do a duet with him for this thing at my school where kids play music. It's kind of a big deal… So I'm REALLY excited! Hell, maybe I should post a chapter about how fanfictiony my crush on him is...**_

"Hey, sup motherfucker," A low voice seemed to destroy the silence which surrounded Nepeta as she and her best friend, Equius, walked up the hill. She turned around to see a tall, lanky boy who wore clown makeup. She giggled immediately and waved at Gamzee.

"Nepeta waves at her furriend!" She smiled as she did what she had said.

"Yes, hello Mr. Makara," Equius nodded his head. He had been sweating profusely, much to Nepeta's dismay. She knew he had a condition, but she honestly felt like she would rather have left him at the cabins rather than continue to walk up the hill with him. Not only was he disgusting (which didn't matter, she loved him anyway), but now she wouldn't have alone time with Gamzee! This almost made her smile turn into a frown. Almost.

Nepeta always had feelings for Gamzee, even when she was a little girl. He was always so nice and somehow always knew the right thing to say. Not to mention that their personalities just seemed to...mesh? That word seems fit for the occasion. Mesh. She could never picture herself with anyone but him. She knew it when her sister had lost her hearing. It was Gamzee's brother's fault, evidently her sister and he were secretly dating for weeks before the accident occurred. Even though she knew her parents immediately hated the Makara family, she could not help but know her feelings for Gamzee, even at first glance. They stayed friends throughout middle school, and ended up going to the same high school. Most people believed she had a crush on her other friend, Karkat, but they could not be any farther from the truth. Although Karkat was mildly attractive, she knew her heart truly belonged to Gamzee no matter what.

"How are you faring today, sir?" Equius' question made her jump as her wandering mind was forced back to Earth.

"Eh, not motherfuckin' bad, I guess," He shrugged his shoulders, and his eyes wandered to Nepeta, making her heart leap and her smile widen more. "What are you two all and up to?"

"Oh, nothing meowch! But I think Equihiss's condition isn't doing furry well…" She frowned, looking at her friend.

"I am doing fine, Nepeta." He grinned at her. "There is no need to worry."

"Well, if y'all wanna motherfuckin go back with me, I'd be happy to. I'm guessin' Tavbro's gettin' a bit antsy, himself." He pointed back at the shy boy.

"I'm not sure if that is a-" Equius began, but was soon interrupted by his small friend.

"That would be supurr fun! We would be furry happy to join you!" Nepeta clapped her hands.

"Sweet." Gamzee grinned, placing a hand on her head. "I think Lalonde's gonna be up and there too, so we can hang with her."

"Okie dokie!" She giggled up at him, enjoying the physical contact. Soon, it was over, because Equius had lifted her from the ground and on to his shoulders and begun walking down the hill. Gamzee trekked shortly behind, and Tavros joined eventually.

twinArmageddons began pestering caligulasAquarium at 17:57

TA: 2top 2tariing, a22hole.

CA: stop staring at wwhat

TA: you know what ii'm talkiing about, ampora.

CA: not really

CA: but im guessin you mean fef

TA: you need two 2eriiou2ly get over thii2 2tupiid jealou2y thing.

TA: iit'2 kiinda unbecomiing on a man of your age.

CA: wwhatevver

TA: waiit.

TA: whatever?

CA: that "ith" what i "jutht" "thaid".

TA: fuck you.

CA: name the day and place

TA: but what do you mean, "whatever"?

TA: don't you have feeliing2 for ff?

CA: no

TA: waiit.

TA: then why the fuck do you care?

CA: because she is my friend

CA: did you evver think about that

TA: 2hiit. ii diidn't thiink about that.

CA: kneww it.

CA: so are you done or can i keep hiking

TA: 2hiit.

TA: um.

TA: yeah you can go.

CA: fine

TA: yeah okay bye

CA: see ya

caligulasAquarium ceased pestering twinArmageddons at 18:02

Sollux frowned as he placed his phone back into his pocket, considering his plan had just been foiled. He closed his discolored eyes as he attempted to understand exactly what happened. So, Eridan did not have feelings for Feferi, meaning that his attempts to make the stupid prick jealous were for not. Shit. Here he was, stuck with this stupid chatty girl when he could honestly be with anyone. Well, that was a lie. If he was being honest with himself, he was not really interested in any girls whatsoever. They were all just so giggly and talkative. He had kissed many girls before, but it always just seemed awkward and gross. In actuality, he envied them. They could date guys (who were much more attractive) such as Eridan. Why didn't he have a girlfriend anyway? He was attractive enough to get one. Maybe it was because he was a pretentious dickhole. Yeah, that had to be it.

Wait, holy shit. Did he just think Eridan Ampora was attractive? Sollux felt his eyes widen as he looked at Feferi. Holy shit, she was still telling that story about her sister and how her ex boyfriend was gay. Wait. Gay? Gay as in, liking guys. Like, sticking a dick in someones butt. He guessed that sounded nicer than straight sex but- WAIT HOLD THE PHONE WHAT. NO. Sollux Captor was certainly NOT gay! He just couldn't be. He had a girlfriend, right? Oh shit. To make another guy jealous. He stiffened as he thought of this and turned to sneak another glance at Ampora. Shit, he _did _kind of look adorable in that way he was hunched over his phone, with his nose scrunched up and his top teeth lightly biting his perfect bottom lip. Sollux once thought about what it would be like to touch Eridan's face, but that thought was immediately pushed out of his mind. But what if he kissed him? What would happen?

Right. He would be pushed off immediately and get the name "fag" for the rest of the year. No, there was no way he was gay. He liked girls, right? But what was the point of dating Feferi if Eridan did not care? Well, Sollux supposed she was sweet and everyone always said they made a cute couple. But what if he did not want to be "cute"? What if he wanted something real? Something _passionate. _Ew, no wait. That sounded creepy even in his own mind. But then again, the idea of his own hands running through that blond hair on Eridan's head as the other kissed him. Shit, Sollux wanted to do so many horrible things to that kid. He needed to talk to someone about this. Fuck, who would he talk to? Karkat. He would have to talk to Karkat about this, if he could somehow get this stupid girl off of his arm. Ergh.

turntechGodhead began pestering gardenGnostic at 13:04

TG: yooooo

TG: jade

GG: oh hi dave! :D

TG: sup

GG: i'm on a hike!

TG: no shit everyone is

TG: you walkin with anyone

GG: well, i was walking with tavros!

GG: but he evidently wanted to go back to camp with gamzee, equius and nepeta.

TG: aw

TG: you deserve better than him anyway

GG: hehehehehe, no silly!

GG: i don't have a crush on tavros!

TG: good

GG: good?

TG: if you had to go from me to someone like tavros

TG: it would be really sad

GG: oh my gosh! that's so mean, dave!

TG: ha

TG: you know you love it.

GG: :(

TG: oh come on

TG: you know i hate that face

GG: hehehehehehe!

GG: so speaking of girly boys…

GG: you ready to admit you have a hard-on for one?

TG: what

TG: the

TG: fuck

GG: oops, language too much for you?

GG: i'll try to keep it less foul next time!

TG: no i mean

TG: i dont like guys

GG: ?

GG: why would you lie?

GG: come ON, it's just me, dave!

GG: you know you can tell me anything!

TG: yeah

TG: no i cant

GG: what? what do you mean by that?!

TG: last time i told you a secret

TG: you told everyone

TG: and we broke up

GG: i'm still pretty sure we broke up because you like boys!

TG: and you like girls

GG: WHAT?!

GG: no i don't!

TG: uh yeah

TG: you do

GG: nuh uh!

TG: holy shit

TG: using that many exclamation marks should be illegal.

GG:!

TG: holy fuck call the grammar police

TG: KANKRI VANTAS GET YOUR PRETENTIOUS ASS OVER HERE

GG: *porrim kicks your ass because not only did you insult her precious baby, you used the word "ass" when describing him*

TG: *which in fact*

TG: *is the perfect way to describe him*

GG: *only porrim would disagree with that*

TG: *hahaha*

GG: *what are we doing?*

TG: *not sure you started it*

GG: *should we stop?*

TG: *i dont fucking know how*

TG: *fuck jade*

TG: *weve done it for too long and now i dont know how to stop*

GG: *hehehehehehe!*

TG: but seriously

GG: oh look you stopped!

GG: i'm so proud of you! :D

TG: fuck you

GG: sorry, you can't!

TG: why not

TG: dude im a sex god

TG: even zeus would let me take him down

GG: except you wouldn't, because your dick has a specific label on it:

GG: "RESERVED FOR JOHNATHAN EGBERT*

TG: thats not even how you spell it

GG: glad to know that you got it tattooed on right then! :)

GG: though that would be kinda awkward for terezi to see when you two got all hot and heavy…

TG: jesus fuck god

TG: do NOT even mention that

TG: worst decision of my life

GG: well, even though you lost your virginity…

TG: dont say it

GG: YOU CAN STILL TAKE JOHN'S!

TG: ugh

GG: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

TG: fuck youre worse than your cousin

GG: and proud!

GG: oh hey, speaking of family….

GG: my aunt was wondering if you want to take care of jake?

TG: oh yeah

TG: ill text her and tell her that i totally can

TG: mainly because dirk cant shut the fuck up about that kid

GG: do you think he could take after his brother?

TG: what do you mean

GG: you know, in the fact that he's totally gay for cute boys with glasses?

TG: fuck you

GG: again, i'm not letting a dick that says "RESERVED FOR ONE EGBUTT" anywhere near me! :D

TG: thats not what you thought it said

GG: i changed my mind, i like that sentence better!

TG: seriously

TG: you are going to drive me off the deep end

GG: well, if you want him you better take him soon, davey!

GG: he's walking with karkitty right now.

TG: i know

GG: huh?

TG: he told me

TG: they seem pretty buddy-ish

TG: and im totally cool with it

GG: fiiiiiine, whatever you say loverboy!

TG: my middle finger is so high right now

GG: i'm absolutely offended!

TG: eh

TG: you called me gay

TG: even though youre the lesbian

GG: i am not!

TG: yes you are

TG: is fef still datin sollux

GG: yeah.

TG: sorry man

TG: maybe next time

GG: why does everyone think i like feferi?!

TG: the same reason why everyone thinks i like john

TG: YOU DO.

GG: wait.

GG: HOLY SHIT YOU JUST ADMITTED THAT YOU LIKE HIM.

TG: fuck

TG: nonononono

TG: i didnt mean it to come out like that

GG: too late i already screen-shotted it and sent it to EVERYONE.

TG: jesus fuck i will never admit it

GG: hahahaha i'm kidding!

GG: no wonder john likes you so much, you're so gullible!

TG: i fuckin hate you

GG: love you too dave!

TG: but hey

TG: if you do admit that you like fef

TG: tell me how the sex is

TG: and i want a film

GG: that's disgusting, and you're only trying to prove a point that you're straight!

GG: which is pathetic because you're clearly not.

TG: ?

GG: dave.

GG: you are so gay that there are probably girly teenagers writing shitty fanfiction RIGHT NOW.

TG: that would be really fuckin creepy im not gonna lie

GG: hahahaha!

GG: oh wait, fef's walking over! I GOTTA GO.

gardenGnostic ceased pestering turntechGodhead at 14:09


	8. Chapter 8

_**See, readers? I promised I would update soon!**_

_**And thank you SO much for the kind reviews, they honestly brighten up my day! PLEASE ALWAYS REVIEW. And yeah, I'm sitting over here like: Yep. Everyone's gay. Just fucking get over it and kiss already! Anywho, I know you are all waiting for some adorable Dirk/Jake, but I decided that I'm actually going to save that for later (and trust me, you're going to need it!) So basically, I'm going to do this story in arcs. This arc is the "Hike" arc, and then I'm going to have a quick cute chapter afterwards! And then we'll start on the "Beach" arc! Also, I'll have to write more letters to Dave, but John can't because he's on a hike! Also, again, please let me know if you want the rating to go up, and which pairings you think are cute! Because, honestly, I can change them up at any time. BUT ENJOY SOME JADEFEF, I LOVE THIS PAIRING IT IS SO DARN ADORABLE!**_

_**I love you all!**_

The group of children were finally beginning to head down the mountain, and you could feel yourself beginning to lose your breath. You know this was a bad sign, but it could just be normal, right? Most people got winded after a long walk up a large mountain, right? Yeah, you would be able to calm Kankri's stupid fucking tits with that. That is, if his tits had the ability to be calmed. Then again, you knew that Kankri had every right to be worried about you...But would it kill the world to let you have fun? Even if it was your last chance to do so, you wanted to be able to look back on this last trip to summer camp as a joyful experience.

"Gosh, Karkat! You look tired!" Your smiley companion exclaimed, looking at him with those sky blue eyes of his. You felt yourself calm immediately when he spoke. This was the reason why you had to have fun on this trip. You needed him just this last time, because that's what friends did. That's what John did. Fuck, now you're staring.

"Fuck you, Egbert!" You growled, looking away, "Didn't that father of yours teach you any fucking manners? Or was that lost in some sort of shitty gene pool malfunction?"

He laughed when you said that, causing your ears to burn. You don't know why he never took anything you said seriously. It was like the world was some big joke to him; and if you were being truly honest with yourself, you adored it. If there was anything you needed, it was a chance to break away from the tortures of your mind; someone's voice to lead you out of the darkness which consumed your whole body. He was this ray of sunshine, and that's why you couldn't tell him. At least not until after this week of happiness was over.

"I think you might have low blood sugar!" He smiled again, cheerfully, "You know, Jane has it! Whenever she doesn't eat for a while, she gets super grumpy! And then Dad feels this insane need to bake her tons of cakes, which she really likes. I have no idea how she can stomach the shit!"

This caused you to smile a bit; John literally loved everything in the world, except for baked goods. You knew this proved as a problem, considering they were the only thing edible which he could make...You have tasted many attempts of his cooking (particularly for Dave's parties), and after almost puking, were forced to make all the food yourself. You are actually a fairly great chef, although that's something you would rather keep under your hat, so to speak.

"I do not have low fucking blood sugar!" You respond, as normally as you can, so that he can't actually see how much you are enjoying the moment. "Why can't you mind your own stupid business? I mean, Jesus fuck."

"Because I like you!" He laughed again, causing you to pause your train of thoughts. Wait, what the fuck. He liked you? As in, at some level he CARED about you? You never thought your relationship with him was more than just an occasional banter and a replacement for Dave Strider when that douche wasn't around. "And when you like someone, you pay attention to their needs?

"Since when the fuck do you pay attention to my needs?" You inquire, looking at him, lifting an eyebrow.

"I've always paid attention to your needs, dipshit!" He playfully punched your arm, causing you to feign a grimace. "And don't pretend like you don't pay attention to mine, because you totally do!"

"I do not." You frowned, glancing over at him, "You're a stupid sack of jovial shit with clearly too much time on your hands."

"Whatever, Karkat!" He said, as he tripped over a rock. You found yourself jumping and grabbing ahold of his body. Stupid fucking John, he was so asinine sometimes! You bet that Dave thought this was adorable, and that's probably why they would end up together. You knew they were meant for each other, if they could just fucking admit it. And although you hated Dave, you really want to see John happy in that way. You know Dave could make him insanely happy if they would just fucking admit it already. Jesus.

"Watch where you're going, fuckbucket." You let go of him and continued to walk. "I mean, really. What do I have to do? Put you on a fucking leash so you'll stay safe?"

"Ha." He smirked, "I proved it."

"Proved what?" You turned back to him, quirking an eyebrow.

"That you care." And with that, the pretentious bastard was skipping down the hill to talk to Jade.

Fuck. He knows you care, and you care a lot.

And that was when your phone rang. Jesus fuck, Sollux. Why do you have to ring me up now?

gallowsCalibrator began pestering turntechGodhead at 18:34

TG: jesus fuck

TG: why does everyone wanna text me

TG: arent you all supposed to be on a hike or some shit

GC: H3H3H3H3

GC: YOU KNOW W3 JUST W4NT TO T4LK TO YOU!

TG: yeah yeah

TG: but im tryin to take care of two kids

TG: and get one of them a playdate with another lil fucker

GC: OOOH

GC: SOUNDS 3XC1T1NG!

TG: not really

GC: Y34H, 1 B3T 1T W4S MOR3 3NT3RT41N1NG D4T1NG M3! :)

TG: again

TG: not really

GC: R1GHT, 1 FORGOT, YOU'RE G4Y.

TG: …

TG: why does everyone think that

GC: B3C4USE 1T'S TRU3.

TG: again i say

TG: not really

GC: H4H4H4H4 S1LLY D4V3, YOU C4N'T PR3T3ND FOR3V3R.

TG: so whats new with you

GC: GR34T S3X 4LL TH3 T1M3.

GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3

TG: jesus

TG: is that the only fucking thing you ever think about

TG: all you people

TG: why cant we talk about something interesting

TG: just like

TG: once and a while

GC: TH1S 1S 1NT3R3ST1NG, D4V3Y!

TG: no its not

TG: i really dont care about who youre having sex with

TG: believe it or not

GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4

GC: W3LL 1T'S VR1SK3RS.

TG: eeeew

GC: N4H, SH3'S GR34T 1N B3D!

TG: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew.

GC: URGH YOU AR3 SOOOOO BOR1NG!

TG: mainly because having sex at this age is stupid

TG: and i should never have done it with you

GC: H4.

GC: TH4T'S FUNNY, CONS1D3RING 1'M THE B3ST 4T S3X.

TG: youre really not

TG: and i dont want to have it again after high school

GC: UNT1L YOU F1ND TH3 R1GHT P3RSON, R1GHT?

TG: exactly

GC: 1 GUESS TH4T M4K3S S3NS3.

GC: 3V3N THOUGH 1T'S R34LLY STUP1D.

TG: yeah

TG: of course it does

TG: sex is really intimate tz

GC: 3H TH4T'S YOUR OP1N1ON.

GC: BUT H3Y, I R3SP3CT IT.

GC: OR 1 W1ILL UNT1L YOU 4ND JOHN DO 1T. :)

TG: ugh

GC:H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3!

TG: and this is where i sign off

GC:H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3HH3H3H3H3HH3H3H3

turntechGodhead ceased pestering gallowsCalibrator at 18:42

Feferi found herself flustered and alone after Sollux told her he had to go talk to Karkat on his phone. She wasn't really sure why she started dating him in the first place, if she was honest with herself. She guessed it was because he was so nice and relatively good looking! But boys were just so _boring. _She would much rather gossip with a cute girl! And by cute, she means equally cute. Not that she found girls cute, she just enjoyed their company more than boys! And so, she decided to walk over to her good friend, Jade Harley, who was currently texting on her phone. When Feferi poked her on the shoulder to get her attention, the spectacled girl jumped, and then started giggling.

"Oh my gosh, Fef! You totally scared me!" She managed to say, in her fit of giggles.

"Oh! I'm reely sorry!" Feferi said, beginning to giggle herself. "Water you doing?"

"I was just texting Dave!" She smiled, sticking her phone in her pocket, "What about you? How's Sollux?"

"We're, um, fin, I guess!" Feferi looked at the ground. In truth, she really wanted to break up with Sollux. He just wasn't the right one for her, and he clearly was not interested in her. If she had any say about it, she'd bet he was actually gay and was trying to get Eridan's attention, the silly goose!

"No you're not, something's wrong…" Jade looked at her friend, her brow furrowing in worry. "What's up?"

"No, we're fin!" Feferi smiled again, she could not let Jade know about it. Even though Jade was a completely trustworthy friend, it just didn't feel right to talk about it with her. Jade seemed like she was the perfect girlfriend; she was kind, caring and really pretty. Not only that, but she was completely loyal to everyone around her. As in, very loyal, and Feferi could NOT let her see her being a bad girlfriend…Feferi honestly envied anyone who had the opportunity to date Jade Harley, because she was just so darn adorable! There was honestly not a single flaw on her…Why would Dave break up with her anyway? Was he just stupid? Sheesh.

"Okay…" Jade looked at her curiously again, "But if you ever need to talk about it, I'm here for you, okay?"

"Alrighty!" Feferi smiled, blushing. Wait, why was she blushing? Weird. "So what about you? Do you have a crush on anemoneone right now?"

"Hehehehe! Not really!" Jade blushed in a cute fashion.

"Oh, yes you do!" Feferi poked her, giggling. "Who is it?"

"None of your business!" Jade laughed again, sticking her tongue out of her mouth.

"It's totally my business!" Feferi threw her arms around Jade, "You HAVE to tell me!"

"You can't make me!" Jade smiled, attempting to push Feferi off, much to the other's dismay.

"Please?" Feferi looked up at her with her best puppydog eyes.

"No!" Jade looked away, "I'll tell you when you're ready to tell me about what's wrong with you and Sollux!"

"Come on, gill, you can't make me do that!" Feferi's eyes widened.

"Oh, yes I can!" Jade smirked, "How am I supposed to trust you if you don't trust me?"

"Oh, I guess that's true…" Feferi sighed, "Fin, I'll tell you later…"

"Great!" Jade smiled.

But then, a confusing thought shot through Feferi's mind. _She didn't want Jade to have a crush on anyone. _But why would she think that? Maybe it was because she didn't want her to be happy in a relationship if she wasn't? But that was a terrible thing to feel...Jealousy. That's what it was, she was jealous. Of Jade? No. Not of Jade...But if not Jade, then who?


	9. Chapter 9: KINDERGARTEN DIRKJAKE

_**I COULDN'T HELP IT HAVE SOME DIRK/JAKE. This is how they met on the playground! After hearing how excited you are, I'm going to make this a thing and have Cotton Candy at some point too! But yeah, I couldn't help it. PLEASE ENJOY I WORKED HARD! And remember to review! Also, for the record, they are still saying certain things wrong, but it sounds right in their heads, and so it's written correctly. And remember to tell me if you want me to go anywhere with this, and anything else you'd like me to add on the story! 3 THIS IS HOW IT ALL BEGAN.**_

_**Hemlockforensics**_

**HOW THEY MET:**

Reader: BECOME THE DIRK STRIDER

You are now Dirk Strider, the most terrifying villain in your kindergarten class. You know how to use a sword (because your brothers both know how to kick butt) and you always know when the best times to create chaos are. Everyone fears you, yet respects you, and that is exactly where you want to be. No one knows what a great villain you are, however, because they all know you under the title "Prince of Heart". You wear a pink mask because to everyone else, you hate the color pink and love orange. These facades are what make you such an awesome villain. Also because you don't wear your super ironic shades when you go out to recess, so people can see your eyes. They would never think their classmate had such demonic features, so you think it works out perfectly!

Most days, you do simple things. Stealing cookies from lunches, strifing with heroes (and getting your butt kicked, but who cares about that? Good guys are supposed to win anyway!), and getting pet dragons. Today, however, was not an ordinary day. Today was the day of the Princess's wedding, and there was NO way you were letting that happen! As a villain, you knew it was your responsibility to stop such a happy event from occurring. You were the best villain at Derse Elementary, and that's why your boss (his name is Caliborn, he's super grumpy!) gave you the job he did. Your name is Dirk Strider, and you must stop this wedding.

Dirk: Stop the wedding.

NO! You can't yet! There are other things which must be prepared. For example, you have to get information on when the wedding was going to be. You should also probably get a great weapon to kill the Prince from a far away land with.

You hadn't ever personally met the Prince, but he called himself "Hope", which is a SUPER girly title. You've also heard rumors from your sister that he's really cute. That's probably why she's getting married to him. Oh yeah, that's right, you're ruining Roxy's wedding, which calls for a pretty ironic backstory. You didn't want to have to get married to Queen Calliope, so you left the Palace to join Caliborn and his gang. Anyway, back to the Prince. Roxy told you that he was from England and that he wore glasses and shorts. That sounded pretty fishy to you- and you weren't sure if that made him right for your sister. Also, Roxy's addicted to candy, and so you don't want him to have to deal with that. Candy addicts were the worst, and Roxy should probably go to candy rehab for all the skittles she eats, not to mention the soda. You wonder what the Prince would be like, however, you knew you would never have the chance to find out. That boy was as good as dead.

You had begun trying to choose which stick would make the best katana when a girl poked you on the shoulder. It scared you a little bit, but you stood up stoically anyway. Dave told you to never show emotion in front of anyone, especially girls. You didn't understand that because girls didn't really scare you all that much! You were much more flustered around boys, and you weren't sure why. You stood up and looked at the girl. She was much shorter than you and had short black hair with a clip in it. She had blue eyes and buck teeth, and an enormous smile on her face.

"Hi there!" She smiled, "Are you the Prince of Heart?"

"Yeah, that's me," You nodded proudly in all of your ironic glory. What did "ironic" mean, anyway? Eh, never mind it didn't matter. "Who are you?"

"My name is Jane Crocker and I'm the best prankster on Derse!" She stuck her hand out for you to shake.

"Okay, nice to meet you, Crocker." You raised an eyebrow, giving her a knuckle-crunch instead. "Why are you talking to me? I'm a Villain. Usually pretty girls like yourself don't talk to villains."

"You think I'm pretty?" She blushed lightly, but then shook the thought away, "Don't you start that up, Mister! I'm only asking for your help on this. I hate boys and so we won't be talking after you help me stop the wedding!"

"You wanna stop the wedding?" You smirked, "Well, I don't know if that's a girl's job. Plus, you said you were a prankster, right? You don't really seem like _Villain _material."

"I still want to stop it though!" She put her hands on her hips.

"Well, I'll tell you what," You folded your arms, "I like you. You're gutsy. I'll let you help if you give me one of those cupcakes in your lunch."

"Sounds like a deal!" She laughed and stuck out her hand. "Shake on it?"

"Yeah, sure." You said, shaking her hand. Then you paused. "So how are you planning on stopping the wedding?"

DIRK AND JANE: STOP THE WEDDING!

You're trying, okay? Plus you're not with Jane anymore anyway. That _was_ a part of the plan, after all. She would go get Roxy and try to talk her out of it and you would go find the Prince. Sadly for you, he was all the way at the top of the playground. You had heard this from your friend, Hal. You looked up at the slide and you saw him. Climbing up slides was no easy task, but luckily for you, you were well in shape for it. You began to run up it, and with slight difficulty, you made it to the top unharmed.

"Oh? Er, hello there!" A boy with black hair and glasses turned to you. You felt your mouth drop open. This was the PRINCE?! How did Roxy land with such a hottie?

"Hey," You attempted to remain calm. This kid was a _boy, _he wasn't "kawaii" at all! However, he was making something inside you go doki doki. You weren't even sure what that meant. "So, I know you're new around here, but do you know who I am?"

"Let's see…" He sat down, and you followed him, staring at him with your orange glare. "Because of that pink mask, I would suppose that you were the most evil villain in this school!"

"Darn tootin' I am." You nodded, smirking. Good. This made your job a lot easier. "And right now, I'm supposed to stop your wedding." And then he was staring at you. What in the world? Why was he staring? "Dude, stop. That's getting really creepy." And then, what the crud?! HE WAS LEANING INTO YOU. HE WAS PRACTICALLY ON YOUR LAP. WHAT WAS THIS KID DOING?!

"Your eyes are really interesting…" He said, and you noticed his were green. "In fact, I might even dare to say that they're beautiful."

"Ummm...you're making me really uncomfortable," You looked away, and felt your face turn red.

"I'm sorry, Old Chap!" He smiled and got off of you, "You see, I'm an adventurer! And I love finding new and strange things!"

"There's nothing strange about my eyes!" You frowned, "The way you talk, that's what's strange!"

"No! That's not what I meant at all!" He shook his head, "I mean, I think that they're really pretty. And what do you mean, you think my accent is strange?!"

"I guess I kinda like it too, I just meant it was different…" You rubbed your arm, "Anyway, we've gotta go. You can't get married to Roxy."

"I wasn't aware I was getting married!" He tilted his head to the side. "But I suppose I wouldn't want to anyway. However, I would like to spend more time with you!" He smiled again, causing you to heat up once more.

"B-but, I'm a villain...and you're a prince…" You poked your fingers together, "That doesn't make any sense…"

"We can still be friends though!" He smiled once more, "My name is Jake English!"

"Cake? That's a stupid name." You rolled your eyes, "But my name is Dirk Strider. Nice to meet you."

And with that, he was hugging you, his arms wrapped around you and- wow. He smelled really nice. You HAD to see this kid more.

Your name is Dirk Strider, and your new mission as a villain is to see much more of Jake English. Operation: P.L.A.Y.D.A.T.E is now in order. HEROES BEWARE.


	10. Chapter 10

_**HEY HEY HEY!**_

_**Sorry about the long wait...And about a lot of other things in this chapter. Anywho, I've decided I'm going to add a few sub-plot chapters here and there for BroDad, DirkJake (#kindergartenswag), and CronKri. Officially! :) So, yeah, please please PLEASE follow/favorite and review! I cannot describe how much your reviews lighten up my life! Y'all are the shit. And um...yeah, if you want the rating to go up, just say so! I've never written smut before...so we'll see how that goes!**_

_**HemlockForensics **_

_Dear Dave,_

_ I hope you understand that I miss you a ton. I know, that's kind of a dorky way to start off a letter to your best friend (who's like way super duper awesome), but I wouldn't start it any other way. These letters are really nice, you know? I mean, I can say whatever the fuck I want to, and it's never really going to matter. I can finally tell you how I feel! Not that I feel anything strange for you...I guess I just kinda feel really platonic for you. I guess that would make sense, right? Right! But, I do miss you a lot. We went on a hike today! Which I know you know, but that's okay. But I guess some other stuff happened too! I talked to Vriska for a little while. Evidently she's been "getting it on" with Terezi. I thought that was pretty interesting, but I guess Terezi was desperate after being dumped by you. I'm pretty sure it would suck a fuck ton to be dumped by you! I feel bad for almost any girl that has to go through that. I envy them too, sort of, in a way. Not in like, a creepy-homosexual-stalker-friend kind of way, of course! I just wish girls understood me like you do. Okay, not in a platonic way- Oh whatever, you know what I'm trying to say. So, instead of typing awkward shit, why don't I just tell you what happened today?_

_ So, yeah. We went on a hike, shit went down, blah blah blah. We actually just got back to camp, and we're all back in our cabins! Karkat's decided to stop talking to me though… I kind of ended up putting Koolaid in his shower head and now his hair is purple! Well, his hair is brown...So it's sort of like putting purple dye in shit! Not that I've ever...done...that… Come on, Dave you know I haven't! Why the fuck would I ever dye my own shit? Right. Great prank. That's what we were talking about. I just hope he doesn't keep ignoring me like this. I would really like to have late night conversations with him! Although, I don't think he'd be as great as you are at them, I'm sure we'll do fine. _

_ You know, between you and I, I think Feferi and Sollux are having a little bit of trouble in their relationship. I know that you don't really care about that kind of shit, but it still worries me. I really hope that Eridan isn't the cause of it too-I would rather not have any bodies stacked up at camp this year. Death is bad. Death should not happen. But every time I look up, one of them is looking at the other one; but when the other one looks up, they both turn away with red faces. But seriously, how bad could it be to have someone dating the girl you like? I mean, I guess I've never really felt jealous of anyone before...Okay, that's a lie. I was a little jealous of Terezi when you were dating her, but only because she was taking up so much of your time! Jeez, Dave, stop making gay jokes. I know that if you read this, you'd be making gay jokes. Fuck, we can't even have a normal conversation without you making gay jokes! WHAT IS UP WITH YOU AND GAY JOKES?! Not that I don't adore them, of course! As much as I hate to admit it, you're absolutely hilarious! I mean, not as funny as me, but still pretty funny. I wonder if you think I'm funny...I always try to get you to laugh, but you never do. I know you have that whole "Stoic Strider" thing going on, but I would really like it if you smiled once and a while. Just once, even. Just so I know that you care. I'd like to see it, I'm sure you have a great smile._

_ I wonder if Terezi made you smile. Did you smile after you fucked her? I bet you did, and I guess that hurts a bit. Not that I would ever admit it aloud and-_

_ Oh shit. What am I doing? I should continue writing your letter...But, I'm not sure if I'm in the mood anymore. Fuck, I hardly even wrote a page. I guess I'll have to apologize for that later. But I'm tired now, and I should probably go to sleep. _

_ Goodnight, Dave. I hope I hear from you soon. I also hope that you continue to live a happy life and that your siblings remain well and happy._

_ Platonic Love,_

_ John_

_P.S: I really hope I get to see you smile someday. _

**Kankri** Karkat

Call Began at 12:00 am.

"Ugh, why the fuck are you calling me so late?"

"**Oh, I apologize, dear brother. I do hope that I did not wake you because that would be highly triggering in many different fashions. However, I do remember when Father began to send me to Biblical Sleep Away Camps that most of the children did not sleep very often, if at all. I remember that I slept very soundly, excluding the rare occasion when I spoke to my bedmate until it was almost 10:30. I apologize if I assumed that you are one of the children who do not go to sleep, for I know that you have insomnia and-"**

"Oh my fucking God! Shut the FUCK up, Kankri!"

"**Because I have decided to call upon you for an entirely different circumstance, I shall choose to ignore that last comment. However, I would like to inform you that language such as that is not fondly regarded in the world, and I would appreciate it if you would not use it in my presence. I shall not press farther than that, albeit I would like to lecture you at a later time."**

"Okay, did you get me out of my fucking cabin at midnight just to lecture me or did you have a fucking reason?"

"**First of all, I would like to state that you were not listening to me at all. If you were to listen to me every once and I while, you would understand that I was attempting to tell you that I was not going to lecture you about lingual matters. At the same time, if you do not listen to what I am about to ask, it could become potentially triggering to everyone involved in your life."**

"Fine. I'm listening."

"**I would like to ask if you are completely certain that you would like to stay at your summer camp. I was informed by Kanaya that you were becoming short-winded on the expedition today which you took part in. I have told you on numerous occasions that I do not wish for you to take part in such activities until we know for certain."**

"Ugh, Kankri! Can you please shut the fuck up? I know what I'm doing, okay? So you can leave me the fuck alone! I'm not some stupid writhing baby who can't differ its right foot from its left! I understand when I am in fucking pain and I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF!"

"**I do comprehend what you are trying to say, Karkat, however-"**

"No fucking 'howevers', Kankri! If having Kanaya checking every five fucking seconds wasn't bad enough, I have to have you do it too? Don't you understand that I just want to have fun? I don't want to fucking think about this anymore! And that is final!"

"**Karkat. I do hope you understand that I am not in favor of this at all. I am your guardian legally, and I am attempting to be both civil and reasonable with you. I would like to inform you that if you take part in such an activity again, I shall be forced to invite you to come back home. Also, Dr. Moffatt sent me an email which said that the data from the tests shall be arriving any day now."**

"No-"

"**I am afraid that it will, Karkat. And although it may pain me, I do understand that we will have to look at it. And I would like to let you know that if it says anything on it that may cause suspicion, I will have you sent home immediately. I understand that you would like to have fun on this little excursion, but your health comes first to me. And that is final."**

"Kankri, you are such a fucking asshole!"

"**It's not my fault, Karkat, please do not yell for it is quite-"**

"NO! I will fucking yell if I want to! And I can also say what I want to, so listen up shithole. I. Am. Staying. Here. I would honestly rather die out here than in some shitty-ass hospital! And you know I'm going to die either way!"

"**No, Karkat. We do not know that for certain, the tests have not arrived quite yet-"**

"Kankri! It doesn't matter! Just...Just call me when the results come."

"**...Alright. I suppose I should leave you now."**

"Yeah. And I know you've been worrying about me all night, so go get some fucking sleep."

"**I'll attempt it."**

"Goodnight, Kankri."

"**Sweet dreams, Karkat. But not the type where you ejaculate afterwards, because that might be triggering for John to notice after he-"**

"KANKRI HOLY FUCKING SHIT! YOU DID NOT JUST GO THERE."

"**Apologies. I do believe I just triggered myself at the thought. Allow me to go cleanse myself."**

"Uh, okay. Night."

"**Goodnight."**

Call ended at 12:34 am.

Rose had suddenly found herself in quite an interesting situation. She looked above her where Kanaya was sleeping. She understood that Kanaya could become quite agitated when not provided with enough rest, however, she also understood that there was a pressing thought on her mind. Vriska Serket. It had been quite some time since Kanaya and Vriska were in a couple together, and from what Kanaya had told her, they never went farther than the occasional kissing session. At the same time, she could not shake this intense feeling that Kanaya was still in love with Vriska. Somehow, their conversations always ended up revolving around her. Perhaps Rose was just frightened though. She understood how the human mind worked (better, actually, than the majority of human beings), and she could comprehend as to how ex-girlfriends could be particularly on the minds of their ex-partners. She still could not stop thinking about it, though. She wondered if this had something to do with jealousy. Yes, she was jealous.

But how could that be? Did she really, honestly believe that Kanaya would choose Vriska over herself? Yes, actually, she would. There was a strange amount of alikeness in Kanaya and Rose; and Rose knew the whole saying of "opposites attracting". Perhaps that was why John and Dave wanted to take part in sexual relations with one another so often. How unfair it was to not be one of them. They were just so goddamned stupid (pardon her language). They were clearly meant for one another, and yet they could not just fucking admit it! And here Rose was, in love with this beautiful girl, who could never love her as much as she loved some stupid whorish spider-bitch. It was awful. It was horrible. The amount of pain Rose felt was highly unbearable-she knew she was being completely silly. But was she? Did Kanaya actually love her?

At the same time, Kanaya was secretly awake and pretending to be asleep, herself. She could not stop thinking about what Vriska had said to her. Was it really time for her to lose her virginity? She knew she loved Rose, but were they really ready for it? Kanaya knew she had thought about it more times than should be natural. It was almost embarrassing how much she wanted to see the Lalonde in her naked glory. At the same time, though, they were never very passionate in their kissing. Perhaps it was time for them to become more passionate in their romance- Kanaya knew she was ready. Rose was just so beautiful and perfect. She was this mass of mysterious energy which Kanaya constantly wanted to taste.

_I guess I should just talk to her about it, _they thought.


	11. Chapter 11

_**Hey, I am SOOOOOO SORRY FOR NOT DOING THIS IN SO LONG! I promise that after next week, the updates will come more quickly. So we're introducing Bro in this chapter! Oh, by the way, I mean no harm to Stephen Schwartz or Benedict Cumberbatch in this chapter! I love both of them! And thank you SOOOO much for the reviews! PLEASE KEEP REVIEWING I LOVE YOU ALL, IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY.**_

_**Hemlockforensics**_

turntechGodhead began pestering ectoBiologist at 2:00 am.

TG: sup bro

EB: holy shit dave, it's 2 am!

TG: yes and

EB: isn't that kinda late?

TG: nah man

TG: its insanely early

EB: urgh!

EB: why are you up so early?

TG: because

TG: when you're takin care of brats all day

TG: early in the mornin is the only dave time

EB: dave time?

TG: yeah bitch.

TG: dave times the best time of the day

EB: first of all, that sucks.

EB: second of all, i'm not your bitch!

TG: first of all no it does not

TG: kids are fuckin great

TG: second of all

TG: the majority of the world agrees that you are

TG: indeed

TG: my bitch.

EB: no one would agree with that!

TG: right of course

TG: youre not a bitch

TG: youre an egbitch

EB: D:

TG: oh come on man

TG: if you were gonna be anyones bitch

TG: im your best fuckin option

EB: hmmmm...i guess that's true!

TG: yeah

TG: thats cuz im always right

TG: …

TG: egbitch.

EB: wait, maybe YOU'RE the egbitch!

TG: wait

TG: what

EB: like, being a cumberbitch!

TG: what the fuck is a "cumberbitch"

EB: oh please, don't you watch sherlock?

TG: yeah who the fuck doesnt

TG: but I dont see how cum and bitches are related to kick ass murder

EB: oh my god dave.

TG: what

EB: benedict cumberbatch.

TG: okay now youre just spewing nonsense

EB: NO!

EB: it's the name of the guy who plays sherlock!

TG: what an unfortunate name

TG: like what the fuck were his parents thinking

TG: "i know let's name our child eggs cumberbitch"

TG: oh

TG: "egbitch"

TG: holy shit john

TG: are you secretly benedict cumberbatch

EB: yes.

EB: you have now found me out, dave.

EB: i'm also secretly sherlock holmes.

TG: wait fuck

TG: does that make me john

EB: yes.

TG: no fuck you

TG: im not being john

TG: you are john

TG: your name is fucking john

EB: nah, I get all the egbitches

TG: ugh

TG: but you dont have an older brother

TG: like brocroft

EB: holy shit, BROCROFT?!

TG: hahaha

EB: but then again...

EB: john does have a lesbian sister.

EB: of which I do not own.

TG: how do you know

TG: your sisters like 5

EB: well, we already have an inkling that your 5-year-old brother's gay!

TG: fuck you

TG: we dont know that for a fact

EB: yes we do.

TG: no we dont

EB: david elizabeth strider.

TG: holy shit how the fuck did you know my middle name

EB: I AM SHERLOCK FUCKING HOLMES.

EB: I CAN DEDUCE THIS SHIT.

TG: omfg would this make jade molly

EB: no eeew!

EB: that's gross!

EB: she's my COUSIN, dave!

TG: it doesnt matter

TG: because im sherlock

TG: and you are john

TG: and from my deductions

TG: you should go fuck yourself with one of those tight ass jumpers of yours

TG: egbitch

EB: pfffft!

EB: you're so weird, dave!

TG: thanks babe

TG: I try

EB: hahahahahaha!

TG: so whats all the new gossip

EB: I pretty much told you everything!

TG: what

TG: when

EB: oh!

EB: never mind!

TG: uh okay

TG: so ive set up a playdate for jake and dirk

EB: do you think gay runs in your family?

TG: not like it does yours.

EB: pffft, my dad's not a homosexual!

TG: huh

TG: learn somethin new every fuckin day

EB: ugh, i'm tired, and i'm going to sleep!

TG: noooooooooooooooooooooo

EB: yyyyyyyeeeeeeeesssssssssssss

TG: come on

TG: sleep is no fun

TG: not compared to dave strider

EB: is that why you never let me sleep when I spent the night?

EB: god we never fucking sleep.

TG: dude.

EB: what?

TG: that sounded

TG: so

TG: fucking

TG: gay

EB: how so?

TG: eh never mind

TG: im just gonna pretend like you meant it like that

EB: ...what?

TG: fuck

TG: never mind its nothing

EB: uhhhhh okaaaaaay...?

TG: fuck rox just woke up

TG: you can go back to sleep

EB: okie dokie!

EB: goodnight, dave!

TG: sleep tight egbitch

EB: no you're the egbitch!

TG: shut your fucking bucktoothed grin watson

TG: we have mysteries to solve now

TG: and then ill fuck you later

EB: nooooope

EB: its too late for this shit.

TG: you mean early

EB: fuck you!

EB: goodnight!

TG: good morning

ectoBiologist ceased pestering turntechGodhead at 3:05

TG: hahahahahaha

The next morning, Jade found herself sitting at a table with some of her best friends, including Feferi. She was seated next to her dorky, lisping boyfriend- something that made Jade green with envy. Not the good kind of green, either. Like, not the kind of green you want your plants to be when gardening! Like, the BAD type of green. For example, the Wicked Witch of the West type of green. It was like she was Elphaba and Feferi was Galinda, and they could not ever be together because STUPID FUCKING STEPHEN SCHWARTZ MADE IT SO THEY BOTH WERE STRAIGHT. ...Wait, what? Did Jade actually just think that? Usually, she would attempt to ignore thoughts such as that. However, at this particular moment, she was not ready to accept such facts. Okay, she was. She had a "Come-To-Jesus" in the shower this morning at 5:00 am, and she realized that she, indeed, was a lesbian. For one of her best friends, no less. It hadn't been unexpected, she supposed. She heard Dave and Rose tease her about it a million times before. But hell, it wasn't like she was about to admit to it, right? Just, the way Fef looked right now, still in her PJ's, with her curly, caramel-brown hair up in a messy bun. Fuck, what Jade would do to run her hands through that goddamned hair.

And so, she liked girls. She didn't really know what to think about it, but she guessed she did. She knew, however, that Feferi could never feel the same way about her. Feferi was straight, and not only that, but she had a boyfriend. And they claimed to love one another. Not to mention, they did look super cute together. Jade was not usually the type to get jealous, but she realized that she wanted to claw Sollux's stupid discolored eyes right out of his head. But Jade had been brought up to be a lady, and so she would do no such thing to anyone. She could not change the fact that Feferi would never like her, as much as she hated to admit it. So, she turned her emerald gaze back to the scrambled eggs on her paper plate.

It just so happened, that similar thoughts were crossing Feferi's mind at the same time. She knew she thought of Jade more than a friend, now. But didn't Jade date Dave for a while? That clearly meant she did not like girls. Plus, Feferi would have to break up with Sollux. This would be hard, because it seemed like he really was in love with her. She knew her best friend, Eridan, had a thing for Sol, but she wasn't sure if it would be nice to just dump him like that. In all honesty, she now realized that the only reason she began dating Sollux in the first place was to prove that she liked boys to Eridan. She had no idea he was in love with Sol at the time, but she did it anyway. She supposed she always knew deep down inside that there was more she felt about Jade Harley than she would ever let on...But then again, she would never let it on. She guessed it would probably be best to keep these things to herself. Even if they were going to the beach that day, and even if she would be forced to see Jade in a swimming suit...No, shit. She would not think about this. Thinking about things like this ruins the mind and hurts the body. Just ignore it, Fef. It will go away.

No it won't. Oh fuck, just break up with Sollux already!

**Bro ** Rose

YOUR EXTREMELY SEXY BIG BRO IS CALLING YOU.

"Brother, dearest. How kind of you to ring me up."

"**Yo sis. Sup?"**

"Oh, nothing much really. We are all headed to the beach today, though."

"**So you get to see some babes in bikinis. Niiiice."**

"I suppose. However, I would never admit to thinking such things out loud, because it would make me feel like a miscreant pervert."

"**Eh, I prefer penises myself."**

"That is a way to put it bluntly."

"**I'd rather be blunt than say nothing at all. Life's short, Lil' Sis."**

"I'll take your word for it, considering the fact that you're practically an old man now."

"**Hahaha, real funny. I'm only thirty."**

"Right, of course. Was there any particular reason why you phoned me?"

"**Well I was hopin to hear somethin interestin."**

"Your drawl is appearing. Quite rapidly, indeed, actually."

"**Oh, you and Dave think you're so goddamned funny. Speaking of which, how is the little twerp?"**

"Still in the closet."

"**You think he likes boys?"**

"Who doesn't?"

"**Ah, good point, girly. Who's the lucky guy?"**

"All signs point to a certain Johnathan Egbert."

"**Wait. Fuck. Seriously?"**

"Why on Earth would I joke about that?"

"**Shit. I gotta go talk to Dave."**

"What? Why?"

"**Look, sugarcakes. Big Bro'll explain at a later time. I gotta go talk to him about life."**

"I'm going to pretend like that does not have strange connotations, and the fact that I believe that you are hiding something from me."

"**Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Fuck off, Lil Sis."**

"Love you too, Bro."

YOUR CALL HAS SADLY ENDED.


	12. Chapter 12

_**Dearest readers,**_

_** I AM SO FUCKING SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING OMG. Just a lot of shit has been going down! I am so sorry. But now it is here. You're welcome. SOOOO here's where the story gets a bit more interesting. This chapter goes from awkward, to banter, to mysterious, to...well, you'll see. I have a lot of things planned for this fic and I'm sorry about this chapter and a lot of shit to come. BUT IT WILL GET BETTER. This isn't a SadFic. IT IS A HAPPY ONE! But yeah, please favorite/follow/review. Also, I was thinking of starting up another story called "Letters To Jeff", or I could just stick the letters in randomly like how I stick John's in. So yeah, attempt to enjoy!**_

_**Love,**_

_**HF**_

Jade found herself in quite an interesting situation. She evidently had a choice here; would she just confess and let Feferi know how she felt, or would she just keep quiet? It's quite an interesting choice, actually. There were plenty of things that could happen. For example, she could tell Feferi and be rejected solely based on the fact that she was heterosexual and currently in a relationship. At the same time, Feferi could freak out and start spreading rumors, that being a bad thing. Coming out of the closet was hard enough right? No need for anything like that going around. Then again, there was always that strange chance that Feferi might actually have feelings for her.

Nah, probably not.

At the moment, Jade was lying on top of Feferi. It was an interesting thing to occur, but interesting things like that tend to happen when you trip and fall onto someone else while they were attempting to change. OH FUCK RIGHT. Feferi was currently topless. Some thoughts (which were not quite fitting for audience members to read) were going through Jade's head. Feferi's breasts were quite large and enticing, but at the same time it was good that nothing else was...out. At least her bottoms were still on though, and Jade was fully dressed. Well, as fully dressed as you can be in a neon-green string bikini. Fuck, she had no idea the beach day would happen like this. She looked up at Feferi's face. Pink. Bright. Pink. At the same time, her eyes were wide open and staring up into Jade's. Shit, Jade! Do something! Do something smart! What would John do in this situation?

"Wow your boobs are really big!" She giggled and smiled. Feferi's blush grew darker. SHIT. NO. BAD JOB THINKING OF JOHN. Then again, does John even think about boobs? Eh, who knows.

"Uh, y-yeah! They're squiddy fin to have!" She stuttered out, "So, er, if you don't mind, but I should get my top on…"

"Yeah! Right!" Jade hopped off. Shiiiiiiit, she was not making this very pleasurable for either of them. She turned her back and waited for Feferi to finish changing before realizing the silence had become extremely awkward. "So, how are things with Sollux?"

"Fin! Super duper!" She smiled, flouncing her body around. Gosh, she was extremely curvy.

"That's good to hear!" Jade smiled back, a pang of jealousy shooting through her spine.

"Y-yep…" Feferi smiled again. "So, do you want to take a swim?"

"Yeah, I'm getting pretty hot! Might feel good to get all wet right now!" She giggled, taking Feferi's hand in hers, not noticing how Feferi stiffened at her words. Jade was NOT talking dirty, Feferi. Get those things out of your mind.

turntechGodhead began pestering carcinoGeneticist at 12:09

TG: yo mr vantastic

TG: hey karkat

TG: karkles

TG: karkinkles

TG: hahaha do you remember that

TG: fucking comedy gold bitch

TG: karkat

TG: karrrrrrkaaaaaat

TG: karkar

TG: katkat

TG: i need you

TG: im pregnant

TG: *insert pregnant noises here*

TG: hahaha sherlock fanfictions are funny

TG: except for alone on the water

TG: that one isnt funny

TG: bitches love dictionaries

TG: damn this fic is the shit

CG: JESUS FUCK I'M HERE

CG: WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU PESTERING ME SO MUCH

TG: bored

TG: why else would i bother pestering you

CG: I DON'T KNOW

CG: PERHAPS TO GET YOUR MIND OFF YOUR MANCRUSH ON A CERTAIN EGDORK

TG: hey im not an egbitch

CG: THE FACT THAT YOU ARE READING SHERLOCK FANFICTION IS JUST PROVING THAT YOU HAVE AN ENORMOUS ONE.

CG: DONT PLAY DUMB WITH ME STRIDER

CG: YOU ARE A SICK BASTARD WITH A DISGUSTING MIND AND IT IS ABSOLUTELY PATHETIC THAT YOU ARE SO INCREDIBLY ASININE THAT YOU WOULD EVEN THINK THAT I WOULD BEGIN TO BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE NOT INCREDIBLY GAY FOR JOHN EGBERT

TG: whoa man

TG: calm the fuck down

TG: is it not ok for straight guys to read gay porn

CG: I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE

CG: BUT YOU WOULD NOT KNOW EITHER CONSIDERING YOU YOURSELF ARE NOT STRAIGHT

CG: YOU SLIMY LITTLE FUDGEWORM.

TG: your insults cut me karkar

TG: your insults cut me deep

TG: so deep in fact im gonna die

CG: NO FUCK YOU

CG: I AM NOT GOING TO READ HOW YOU METAPHORICALLY DIE OF A BROKEN HEART

CG: AND THEN CONTINUE TO METAPHORICALLY REMIND ME THAT TEREZI LEFT ME FOR YOU

CG: WHICH ACTUALLY DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE BECAUSE YOU ARE METAPHORICALLY NOT ATTRACTED TO GIRLS

CG: SO FUCK YOU IN THE REAR

TG: ohhhhh

CG: WHAT

TG: you just want to fuck me in the rear

TG: thats why youre calling me gay

CG: NO FUCK YOU THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEANT

TG: news to you vantass

TG: you would so be on bottom

CG: I WOULD FUCKING NOT

CG: I WOULD USE BONDAGE IF I HAD TO ON YOU

CG: BUT I WOULD NOT BECAUSE I AM ACTUALLY A COMPLETE GENTLEMAN WHO WOULD NEVER WASTE SUCH A THING ON SCUM LIKE YOU

TG: dude you would bottom shirley temple

TG: well young shirley temple

TG: it would be bloody terrifying if you were to have to bottom current shirley temple

CG: THAT WOULD BE GROSS SEEING AS SHE IS DEAD NOW

TG: WHAT SINCE WHEN?!

CG: LIKE FEBRUARY

CG: DO YOU NOT WATCH THE NEWS

TG: shit fuck no

TG: nononononononooooooo

TG: fuck karkat

TG: im dying

TG: the world cant go on

CG: OH SHUT UP YOU FUCKBUCKET

TG: no karkat

TG: i cant

TG: where the fuck are the animal crackers

TG: when the soup is DEAD

CG: AT THIS POINT IM NOT EVEN GOING TO ASK

TG: you should distract me

CG: FROM WHAT

TG: from my candy-addicted younger sister

CG: SHE IS ADDICTED

CG: TO CANDY

TG: yah

TG: its a hard thing to overcome man

TG: so many therapy sessions

TG: when all you want to do is just inhale another sour patch kid

CG: THAT IS DISGUSTING

TG: so what are you up to now

CG: I AM AT A BEACH

CG: AND IT IS HOT

CG: AND SANDY

CG: AND I AM HALF NAKED

CG: AND THEREFORE UNCOMFORTABLE

TG: please i go to nude beaches all the time

CG: OH DO YOU NOW

TG: yeah

TG: my body is fuckin gorgeous

CG: YOU KEEP TELLING YOURSELF THAT

TG: it is

TG: i get all the beaches

CG: EXCEPT FOR THE EGBEACHES

TG: da fuq man

CG: HAHAHAHA I HAVE BEATEN YOU

CG: AT YOUR OWN GAME

TG: i have no idea what youre talkin about bro

CG: I'LL TELL YOU WHEN YOU'RE OLDER, BITCH

TG: aight

TG: what is egbert wearing

CG: DO YOU WANT A PICTURE

TG: eh sure whatever

CG: TOO FUCKING BAD HE IS STILL CHANGING.

TG: can i get a pic of that

CG: AND YOU SAY YOU ARENT GAY. HA.

TG: dude its kinda creepy that youre watching him change

TG: im the gay one

TG: ha

CG: YES YOU ARE.

CG: AND I AM NOT WATCHING HIM CHANGE I WOULD NOT DO THAT.

TG: suuuuuuuuure

CG: WHATEVER

CG: IT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER ANYWAY

CG: AND YOU ARE BORING ME

CG: SO I AM GOING TO LEAVE YOU

TG: nooooooooo

TG: jk i can live without you

TG: gonna be just fine

CG: RIGHT. OF COURSE.

CG: OH AND DAVE

TG: yeah

CG: QUIT MASTURBATING TO SHERLOCK PORN

CG: JOHN WILL NOT FIND THAT ATTRACTIVE

carcinoGeneticist blocked turntechGodhead at 12:48

**Bro **Dave

THE COOLEST GUY IN THE WORLD IS CALLING YOU

"Ugh, sup Bro?"

"**Eeeeeey, Lil' Man. How's masturbation goin for ya?"**

"First of all, that's gross, dude. Second of all, you're actually not the first person to say that to me today."

"**Hey truth lies in jest, David. Truth lies in jest."**

"Fuck you. That's not my name."

"**Would you rather me call you 'Lizzy'?"**

"Would you rather me stick a cake up your ass?"

"**I would rather Jeff stick a cake up my ass."**

"Who the fuck is 'Jeff'?"

"**Hahaha, that's actually what I wanted to talk to you about, Lil' Man."**

"Oh shit nope. Nope. Nope. You are not pregnant."

"**Meep."**

"Dude, what the fuck."

"**I was making a pregnant noise."**

"Hahaha!"

"**What?"**

"Never mind. Continue."

"**Dave, I want you to go into my room and look through the bottom left drawer in my desk."**

"Is it porn?"

"**Not exactly."**

"Good enough for me. What is it?"

"**Kind of like a diary. But not really. I'm not a loser. Only losers keep diaries."**

"Then what the fuck is it?"

"**A book of letters."**

"Letters?"

"**Yeah, letters. I would write them to the guy I loved and then hid them away so he'd never see them."**

"Why the fuck would anyone do that? I mean, why wouldn't you just man the fuck up and tell that person how you feel?"

"**Dunno, man. I was only 16 when I started them. Still write em today."**

"To the same guy?"

"**I'll let you figure that out for yourself."**

"Uhhhh...okay…? But I still think it's stupid."

"**Fuck you. Go read them. Understand your own sexual identity using my methods."**

"Fine."

"**Superb. Knock yourself out, kiddo. We'll talk about them when you're done." **

Kanaya had just finished changing and was headed to the beach to meet up with her partner. As she walked down the sand, she felt a familiar hand on her shoulder. When she turned around, she was met with the sight of none other than Vriska Serket.

"Heya, Kankan." Vriska, leaned down, whispering in her ear.

"Hello, Vriska. It is quite lovely to see you, but if you do not mind, I must leave you to go elsewhere…" Kanaya shrugged her off. No matter how sweet Vriska smelled, she would not even talk to her right now. She promised Rose she wouldn't, and Rose was more important to her than anything. She would do anything for her.

"So…" Vriska came back onto her with a bit more force, sliding her fingers down Kanaya's tanned, wiry arms. "I understand that you've been avoiding me lately. That's pretty fucking clear but…" She leaned in again and whispered, "I just wanna know why."

"Please leave me alone, Vriska. I am warning you right now-" Kanaya threatened, but was turned around to face Vriska.

"Come on, babe. I was asking politely." She snarled, wrapping her arms around Kanaya's hips and pulling her closer. "I've always asked politely. You know that…" She paused and frowned a bit, "Is this because of Rose?"

"No of course not, I am very capable of making my own decisions, thank you!" Kanaya attempted to pull away, but was unable to.

"That blond bitch. You know you hate her as much as I do." Vriska growled, pulling Kanaya closer.

"It is not like that! I do not feel that way about her at all!" Kanaya struggled, before being pulled into a forceful kiss. The kiss lasted a long while, after Vriska forced her tongue into Kanaya's mouth. Suddenly, it stopped when they heard a small gasp.

Rose was standing there, her eyes wide open and beginning to fill with tears. She knew this was going to happen at some point. She knew it would. It had to. It was threatening to happen for so long...but...She really thought Kanaya loved her. She really did. It just hurt so much that she couldn't take it and- she ran. She ran as far away as she could from them and didn't stop until she reached Jade.

"You horrible person!" Kanaya whirled around with sudden rage and slapped Vriska. "How could you do something like that to me?!"

"You don't want me?" Vriska's eyes widened, "Fine. I don't need you. I'll just go fuck John Egbert instead."

And with that, she turned on her heel and left Kanaya alone.


End file.
